Why do I dislike my stepson?

by TJ
(Minnesota)

I fell in love with my fiance about 3 years ago. He is an amazing man. He met my son after a few months of us dating and we chose to put off my meeting his two children until two years ago since his divorce was so fresh.

My fiance is "well off," therefore his children have very little understanding of how hard it is to make a dollar these days and they expect us to do everything for them.

Before moving in with each other 1 1/2 years ago, I noticed the amount of disrespect from his children to the extreme, his son would hit my 3.5 year old son and push him around constantly as well as myself...not only that, but he just started sleeping in his own bed less than a year ago after my fiance finally blew a fuse!

He wouldn't brush his own teeth (he demanded we did it for him) he wouldn't dress himself (he demanded we did it for him) he would throw tantrums over anything and everything.

We would offer to go to dinner and a movie and he would throw a tantrum about which movie he wanted to see and could care less about anyone else. Then I got a phone call from my ex husband asking me why my stepson to be is so "mean" to our son.

Finally, I decided that is was time to talk with their father (my fiance) about discipline and parenting, this caused BIG issues between my fiance and myself since we had obvious parenting differences and we came close to breaking our relationship off due to his son's behavior.

My fiance says "You should love them as your own" but how do I do that when there is constant disrespect from his now 9 year old son? His 13 year old daughter is lazy, but for the most part quite respectful and knows her limits for the most part.

What can I do about his overreactive 9 year old? Why do I dislike my stepson? He is sassy, whiny, naughty, mean, bully-like and I believe I have tried all I can do. I love him so much! He can be such a sweetheart, but on the other hand, a little devil.

It was his birthday recently and he didn't even say thank you for his presents until we asked him to! How can I deal with this situation in an amicable way with my fiance without offending him so we can save our true love and relationship?

Help!