VERY SENSITIVE SON WHO CRIES

by PNUTBUTTA
(MEMPHIS, TN)

My son seems to cry whenever he's scolded about not cleaning up, playing sports, etc. My husband feels he is just not "manning up" and should quit "feeling sorry" for himself. I tend to disagree.

My husband and I both are well adjusted parents who tend to want the best for our kids. He feels he shouldn't miss questions or should always get good grades on tests even though I've explained to him that we all make mistakes. It doesn't matter and he just seems to get in a slump. He told me at one point that he "feels dumb" when he misses problems or gets a bad grade but again I try to let him know that missing problems is all a part of growing up and it's going to happen. He just needs to get himself together and try again.

My husband wants him to play sports badly because whether he admits it or not, I think sometimes he's not pleased with my sons actions (crying, not trying, thinks he's lazy, etc.) I explained to my husband that a child can pick up on how a parent feels whether he knows it or not. He doesn't think that's it and that he's just feeling "pity" for himself. I noticed that when he does well, he is in a really good place and his whole attitude gets much better and he seems to become more confident. I used to praise him after games (football and basketball) but my husband would say right in front of him..."I don't know why you tell him that....he didn't do what he was supposed to on the field and you're not telling him the truth".

I was speaking from the aspect that it's better to be out there an a part of the team than just to be the best all the time. He would have good games and not so great games but Dad said don't praise him when he hasn't done good. I totally disagree because that can damage self esteem. What do you think? (football at age 8/9 and basketball at age 11).