by Darlene Rogers-Rose
(Hilo, Hi. USA)
child incest - me running away turmoils
I also was a victim of incest. Ignored by my mother. Not clothed or care for in any way, one could suggest I was a kid from an 3rd world country.
People saw this abuse. Yet, stood by maybe to see how I would turn out? This happened in York, Pa. during the mid-'50's to when I was able to fully escape when I was just 16. What has been told to me recently were that many professionals and clergy in YORK, PA. knew!
My father was MY best friend. He broke that trust when I was 9. He took me to Greer S.C. on a job assignment. We stayed in a rooming house on Pennsylvania ave. It's still standing, vacant. My father raped me. This wasn't the first assault by my dad. I was scared to leave with him back in the summer of 1964. Everybody in the equation knew this.
After I was sexually used up, I wet the bed, mixed with blood. My father was furious. He gave me a $5 bill before work and put me on a train back to York, PA...by myself! My mother was obvious disappointed in my too soon return and swiftly sent me to stay the remainder of my summer with a alcoholic aunt.
Her boyfriend could not stand the sight of me. I had pimply face and was a bed wetter, with a very nasty temper. That temper was what my mother used as her excuse to stay clear of me. I caused much commotion in our home with this temper.
My siblings were turned against me and to this day still muddy the waters for my mother, they're her personal army, spies, who do nothing more but deny the abusive treatment that I received!
This is still playing itself out! Why? who has the most to lose if the secret gets revealed? I'm talking about a baby (3yr old) in their care, a foster girl named Tammy E. at the time and pornography and incest! Knowing what happened to me wakes me up remembering this little girl..Tammy.
My sister who is 3 yrs older took pictures in her childhood of mom in sexual positions with mom's boyfriend Bill Fidler..I came across this "white book" and it's been her fear since!
I left my family feeling it was all me. For yrs and years I stayed far away with this belief.
During my young adolescence, I was the typical angry child one would see today as a VICTIM. Yet, my siblings state very negative things that have been the result of the harsh treatment as now "my excuse" that I desire pity?...My mother contact many of my connections and tells them I still tell lies about her. This hurts.
I am angry to this day mostly because nobody rescued this hurt child! Mind you, some tried but could not get pass my mother's lies to cover up this incestuous home!
Pastor Paul G. was a regular visitor because I ran away to stay with their family. Mom even convinced them I was a liar. Larry Chase with the Presbyterian Church in York during that time was counseling my sister...yet he knew and told my mother to "take me to the NY World fair and give her girl scouting experience, and baton lessons?"..He told my older sister this?...
The Northeastern school counselor in Manchester, Pa. then was Ms. W. I was a regular visitor to her office...she knew..called my mother in and she, too, was convinced I was a liar. The cards were stacked against me no matter which way I turned. Even to this day, after being far away, I contacted my siblings and to my horror..nothing has changed].
I am talking about many children going through our home. My parents were foster parents..to Greg S., even his case worker knew! Ms Trudgen...I am disappointed in these professionals in York back then for not seeing me as important enough to at least check out my story.
Nobody has even to this day come to me. I have been validated in emails from one sibling...but she
quickly threw a mud ball intended to place shame on me for saying something that would upset the calmest, being it was just a mud ball and not truth I should be able to laugh it off. I simply cannot because not being believed has deep roots in my psyche.
My mother gets much support from her SDA church, the York Seventh Day Adventist. They knew also. They were able to me out of my home at age 16 to attend their school in a dormitory setting. The pastor of the York SDA, Pastor A., called me to his office and with his wife Linda present asked, "If I was sexually abused by family members..." I told them I was.
Nothing was ever spoken about that visit. My family wasn't ever held accountable. That hurts me to this day. Mom states that "only her God will be her judge" and that really bothers me too. I cannot bring myself to go into a church because the people close to my early abusive childhood life go here and hide there. That really hurts.
My father passed away Sept 27th 1995. Ten weeks before, I was waking up in tears, not knowing how come. After that went on for weeks, I told my children that I needed to call my family in PA. My father was dying and I was the only child he had not spoken to and he needed to. I made my way across country to visit my parents July 1995.
At that time, my father wanted to apologize to me for the sexual abuse and rapes. I had my daughter witness this as I was too fearful to be alone with him then. My mother wouldn't even invite me in their home.
My family & I camped in her backyard for this occasion. My father told me he wanted mom to find me...she said she contacted the Red Cross and Salvation Army. Neither of those organisations received any calls from anyone named Betty M. Rogers requesting that I be found. I called the local agency nearer my home and in York. Lies.
Mother been manipulating all along to keep me silent. I can't stay quiet. I still remember the horrors like it transpired yesterday...not 50+ yrs ago! I've been made fun of because through these horrors I needed anti-anxiety/anti-depressants to cope. Made fun of because my reaction to severe childhood abuse required meds to relieve the stresses? This is hurtful that siblings can make such callus remarks after knowing why I was such a angry little girl.
Mom minimized sexual abuse by stating, "it happened to me too.?" She so evil an mother knowing that these hurts early in a child have long lasting ill effects. Teasing this child into an oblivion and keeping her ill clothed and ill fed did nothing but add to the abuse.
I've been in therapy most the entire time I left this house of horrors.
Here we just went through April and National Child Abuse awareness month
. I wrote to all the people and organizations mentioned above. Why? Because I don't think the people in YORK have heard me. I was treated badly: sexually, physically and emotionally. Many "professionals" in York knew this. I need amend to be made. Not only were my parents abusers, so were those who did nothing. Those who do not make those who hurt children pay they debts to society are also abusers.
What would have the most profound effect to this nasty speck of a human called "mom" would be to expose her publicly. I wasn't an liar, nor was I lying to anyone ever.
The county of York, and the Children Services of York should have done some sort of investigation. They put the trust of innocent children in the arms of parents who seriously abused they're own children.
Recommended Reading/Resources for Child Incest Sufferers:
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