Underwear - Parenting Question About Dad who Walks Around in His Underwear
My husband often time walks around in his underwear in front of our 12 year old daughter. I mentioned to him that my father never did such a thing and I didn't think it was right. He grew up totally different and I believe his dad must have walked around in his underwear.
The other thing he does is he will urinate outside, off the deck or by the back door. We live on a farm with no near neighbors. My children happened to see him this weekend doing this. He does try to make sure no one is around when he does this, but I find it repulsive. I also believe his dad must have done this when he was a kid. I guess I can't understand where he would get the idea that this is okay. When the kids see it, they tell him it is "gross." He just growls back and continues to do what he wants. It so frustrating that whenever I bring things up to him, he always thinks he behaving just fine and refuses to ever listen to my concerns and wants. I feel very hurt and angry! I wonder how my children feel.
While there are no hard and fast rules about parents walking around the house in their underwear, keep a few things in mind. Your daughter is on the verge of adolescence. In coping with her changing body, surging hormones and burgeoning sexuality, the last thing she needs is the confusion caused by having to witness her father in his boxer shorts. The issue here is not what your parents or his parents did—what is important is how your husband's behavior affects your daughter. Your husband alone must be accountable for this.
Just because your parents walked around in their underwear doesn't mean it is appropriate.
With regard to your husband's penchant for urinating off the deck, you're right. It doesn't matter if you live on a farm and there's no one else around to see him. Your kids witness his behavior and it makes them feel uncomfortable. The fact that they are repulsed by it should be enough to give him pause. Of course the bigger issue here is that your husband needs to act in ways that are appropriate, so your children can learn how to live in the world with others.
Your husband needs to realize that your children look to him to be a role model and with regard to this issue, what they see is a man who disregards his wife and children's feelings and quite selfishly and rebelliously continues to act in ways that make them feel uncomfortable.
Your husband needs to stop walking around in his underwear and peeing off the deck. He needs to grow up these behaviors and act like a man. A man is respectful of the needs and feelings of his wife and children. He understands that in order to help a child through adolescence, he needs to create new boundaries that are respectful of the child's need to individuate in a healthy way. What must have priority over the childish freedom that comes from urinating off the deck is the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well-being of his family.
Of course you feel hurt and angry. You've made a reasonable request and your husband has disregarded it. Although your husband is a grown man, he has this little boy part in him that refuses to grow up. Show him this article and ask him if he finds some truth in it. Perhaps this will help him in his struggle to grow up these behaviors and do what is best for his family.
About the author: Laura Ramirez is the author of the award-winning parenting book, Keepers of the Children: Native American Wisdom and Parenting. The book shows parents how to raise children to develop their natural strengths and discover their purpose. The book itself is a journey of self-discovery for child and parent. The author invites you to read it and learn how to become the best parent and person you can be.
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Underwear to Parenting
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