Unchecked Rage at Son with Asperger's Syndrome
Crazy Witch Mom
Unchecked Rage at Son with Asperger's Syndrome
I'm angry with myself because I have a son with Asperger's syndrome, for whom I have hunted the globe for help and to whom I feel I am mean. I listen to teachers, doctors and people around me for help but I can't get away from screaming, cussing and sometimes smacking my son.
This week, I felt I crossed the line with my son. I've been increasingly frustrated with my children for the past week. They’re siblings, they fight and irritate me by fighting, but I know they love each other.
Yesterday morning, I spent the whole morning prodding them to get ready. Then we were so late and I still needed my son to put on his jacket and he wandered around the house looking at the ceiling like he had no direction whatsoever. I grasped him on the head and face and looked into his eyes and said "It’s like you don't use the brain you've been given, I said put on your coat, now put on your coat!" and released him, and he fell backwards. I felt bad but I was still mad and couldn't shake it. I can’t imagine what was going on in his mind.
This morning, my children did great at getting ready for school. No prodding to get uniforms on, eating breakfast was a breeze, they brushed teeth and hair. Then I asked my son to feed our rabbit. I had just bought the rabbit a $10 bag of food and my son spilled the entire thing on the ground - I became frustrated because he wasn't looking where he was going and fell.
My son said, "It’s like you think I'm stupid!" and I replied, "I know for a fact you aren't stupid but you know you're smart and when you don't use your intelligence, it’s no good to you anyway." A lot of smart people do stupid things - spilling the rabbit food is not stupid – you just need to be aware of your surroundings!"
I hurt his feelings. I knew that by the tears he was fighting back. He wants to do better and I can tell he's desperate to find out how. I am desperate to teach him how but I feel like I fail at this.
Then about 10 minutes later, we're ready to go except for coats. My son, once again, couldn't find his coat. He's 9 now so each night, I coach him on preparing for the next day, but despite my best efforts, he misplaces something. EVEN WHEN WE SET IT ALL IN THE SAME PLACE!
Well, like I said, no coat. He looked, I looked, we both looked and time was slipping away - we were going to be late. I asked him where he thought his coat was and he said he left ALL OF THEM AT SCHOOL. I had it! I grabbed him by the shoulders very firmly, got in his face and said, "We're running late looking for coats you left at school. Don't you get
why I'm mad? Don't you get why I'm MAD?" (yelling right in his face) while I was shaking his shoulders in my grip. He was squirming to get away and jerked out of my grip. He walked into the kitchen fighting tears. I felt wrong, but the anger was still overwhelming me.
He walked past me again and I spanked his butt and started swatting him anywhere I could land a hand (no face or head) because he was dodging me. I was so furious I could've put a hole in the wall. I started cussing away, but I understood why my son was dodging me and I let him get away. He said "Jeez!" in an exasperated tone after I quit swatting him and by then the tears were rolling.
In the car, I harped my head off about how unorganized he is and how aloof he can be, how frustrated I am. I was harping how I can't give him extra privileges because he still can't handle the ones he has. I realize he has Asperger's
, but even he is aware and is so high functioning, there is no excuse to just let him stay aloof and unorganized. I can't blame all of this on Asperger's, but it has an impact and I don’t know how to navigate these waters! I can’t keep treating him this way as I have no idea how it truly effects him.
I've been to the therapists and I'm not seeing results except for the ones my son does on his own by nature alone. He's exceptional and is in gifted classes so that’s excellent, but if he doesn't have the sense not to get run over in a parking lot - what good are academics? It’s like he’s a 9 year old boy and a 6 year old boy in the same day, depending on the situation. He gets so excited he screams when he’s playing with friends and doesn’t respect personal space so they get frustrated with him. He’s reckless with his toys and sister to the point of endangering her and himself – then next thing I know he’s outsmarted me and behaves as if he never had Asperger’s.
I feel like I've let my boy down and have failed somewhere as a parent – based on my reactions, not the fact he has Asperger’s. This feeling existed even when he was an infant so I know it’s only lingered and been reaffirmed as he grew up, not a new feeling from the experience of late.
I’ve been told I’m a good mom, even when I’m honest about outbursts. I also deal with the fact my son’s father abandoned him (he has a stepdad) and have been open to talking about his feelings with him and try to give him the best answers I can for his young mind.
I have no pride to lose here and only want to do the best for both my children.Remedies for Kids with Aspergers:Natural Remedies for Asperger's SyndromeLearn Stress Relief Techniques for Frazzled Parents: