Comments for Unchecked Rage at Son with Asperger's Syndrome

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May 20, 2010
by: Leah (Author of Unchecked Rage)

Thank you, thank you, thank you for responding with so many encouraging words. I haven't had an outburst since my post and our family has made significant strides in our unity. I've begun to give my son household chores which take preparation and attention to detail plus a lot of focus (dishes for example). These extra responsibilities has done something to boost his self esteem. He thrives on helping me (and we negotiate a price as well) and is very proud of himself. He's made another jump towards maturity and self reliance and so I told him I had noticed this and he was making me feel very confident about giving him extra privileges. He thanked me for my comments and I could tell it moved him to his core.

I admit, I wasn't able to log onto this page untill recently. I noticed the natural remedies for Asperger's, the overnight CD's and the techniques for myself. I will certainly take advantage of that helpful advice. Frustrations will come again another day - I also have a daughter (4 year old) with a major bossy attitude and a hint of defiance. I realize techniques to manage my outbursts are the best remedy for what is to come as a mother raising children, Asperger's or not.

My children love me and I love them so I admitted my faults to you in order to preserve their feelings towards me. Your comments made my admissions worthwhile and productive in being a better parent.

Thank you again, so very much!


May 19, 2010
Hang in there
by: Anonymous

I don't think you're a witch at all just a normal faulted human being who is concerned and worried about her child and just feel frustrated about you lack of ability to control and fix this disorder. My son is 19 (please see "Adult Child with Aspergers). Read the second post I made as that one was made the next day after I cooled down!

There IS hope! I remember rushing to get to ANYTHING on time losing and misplacing everything the inattention and "forgetting" struggles over homework battles with teachers worry over friends/communication issues being seen as "different" worried about his future and more you are probably experiencing! Some I can look back on and laugh about. There was always a new issue but looking back I realize it most weren't all that critical.

My son is now at university and for the first time I have hope things will be ok. There are still big issues and I still get frustrated and I still have meltdowns. So do a lot of people who have kids in that age range who are "normal".
I remember unchecked Rage born from frustration and occasionally responded like you. And the guilt of making him feel even worse about himself than I knew he already did. All I can say to is that you have to work on that or it will continue to make you feel guilty and won't do anything to help him. My son tells me now how my words hurt him. It is not a good feeling. So here's some advice from a mom who's been there.

My son was misdiagnosed all his life. Had I realized it was Aspergers, I would have done some things differently. LEARN everything you can about it.

Talk to others who have experienced Aspergers. It helps you regroup and gain perspective
Help him compensate. My son plays guitar and saxophone and does karate. He feels better about himself and filled in gaps when he was excluded.
Find a therapist who has expertise with Aspergers. We tried counseling and the traditional approach doesn't always work unless you can put it into perspective.

- TRUST yourself. You know him better than anyone! You will need to advocate for him particularly at school. I worked really hard to make friends with his teachers so I could run interference when necessary. Sometimes all it took was explaining things to them directly. Other times I literally had to battle with the school! But I take comfort in realizing I was almost always right. But they can make you feel like all you're trying to do is create advantages for your child when he doesn't need them and sometimes you'll even wonder about that yourself. Which is a problem when your child is very bright. But stand your ground when your gut tells you to. MAKE A VERY GOOD FRIEND OF THE GUIDANCE COUNSELOR!

When you DO lose it try to talk about it later with your son and definitely apologize when you should. One thing I haven't done enough of is to say "I love you" enough or "I'm proud of you" enough.

I could go on but I hope this helps. Hang in there and I wish you all the best!

Mar 31, 2010
Anger at Child with Asperger's Syndrome
by: Laura Ramirez

Dear Crazy Witch Mom,

First, I applaud your courage. It takes a lot of guts to be so honest. Second, kids with Asperger's Syndrome can be frustrating to deal with because they are so bright, you forget that they struggle with other areas. Third, my husband is disabled and lives in terrible pain and I know how difficult it is to be the caretaker of issues that will probably never be resolved. But that's why I created this parenting message board, so we can rant and rave, share our problems and frustrations and hopefully, help each other find solutions or at least, relief from all the stress.

That said, I do have some suggestions for you. First of all, there are some natural treatments for Aspergers Syndrome that may help. Parents have told me that these remedies help reduce symptoms with regular use over time.

Next, here's a fun technique. There are CDs for Asperger's Syndrome kids that you can play for your son while he is sleeping that will speak directly to his unconscious mind and make improvements in his behavior. These techniques are based on the science of Neuro Linguistic Programming and recently, parents of kids with ADHD and Asperger's have written to me to rave about the results. I will be testing these CD's myself and publishing a review shortly. Just click on Asperger's Syndrome help and scroll near the bottom of the page.

Third, to reduce your stress and the effect your "unchecked rage" has on your child, you might want to learn some techniques that will help you to let go of your anger as it arises, so you can gain perspective, respond appropriately and act in the best interests of your child. For this, I recommend that you check out The Release Technique.

Hope these suggestions help. Please check in and let us know how you and your son are doing. Once again, thanks for having the courage to make that post. I'm sure other parents can relate.

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