The Long Term Effect of Incest
(San Jose, ca)
Don't know were to begin. My life has sucked for me! Civil war, my mom left me, my cousin raped me, my dad sexually abused me etc. I can't imagine how I survived. I am going to be 40 soon and till this day.., I ask myself, honestly how was I able to keep going. What helped me was school! I love school so much, that for a period of time I blocked everything. Then college came and all the sudden I felt like my mind wasn't able to focus anymore. I should have continued, but didn't finish. Now I know why. I never got the help that I needed and I don't believe for a second that medication freaking helps. Come on! Sorry to say, but what has happened to us isn't going to go away with a freaking pill.
Our pain is in our system, in our soul! I took pills, helped maybe controlled my hormones and emotions, but it didn't erase what happened. Have to say, that for me I am beginning to feel the aftermath of what incest does to a young child.
First, you never had a childhood. You had to survive. Second it's hard to be normal. Third, the trauma is so intense that it's a disability. My biggest dream is for someday to wake up without any worries in the world. That would help me. I mean, I had to worry about my survival as a young child. I lost my childhood. I am not normal.
Now, I am married have a child and honestly I am trying to have a normal life, but lately, my depression is coming back, I am losing my memory and functioning is becoming harder. My mind is a fog. I feel like it's time for someone to take care of me. I am so tired. So tired... I've taken care of myself since I was in middle school. I had to survive. Right now... I am so emotional. Just tired and notice that my memory loss is becoming worse. Time is becoming real short. If it continues... I am going to the doctor. Something isn't right!