It seems that most people are caught up in the non-spanking mentality, deeming that as a form of punishment, and thus does damage to the spirit of the child. Well, this is true when administered in excess.
However, when administered in the right doses, it is a form of discipline to correct faulty behavioral problems. All the psychology in the world simply fail to correct all problems with children. Sometimes a parent simply has to decide to use a tool they may not like, or that is 'politically incorrect'.
Some children respond to psychological manipulations, others do not. Only you will see the true measure of what works. Even Dobson himself has admitted that sometimes corporal discipline is necessary.
Don't be afraid to take that course if all else fails. That way, you're avoiding the accusation of being cruel to your child.
YOU are the parent. If he doesn't respect that now, then it will only get worse as he grows older.
Feb 02, 2009 Rating
The Defiant ChildNEW by: Laura Ramirez
The defiant child does not seem to understand that his parents are in charge. This is why he bucks up against authority at every turn. You need to establish your parental authority in a way that is not punitive and encourages your child to do well as he strives for independence.
This can be quite tricky, especially when you don't understand the cause of your child's behavior. For instance, why would the choice between cereal and oatmeal cause a tantrum? Perhaps because your child doesn't see this as a choice...after all cereal and oatmeal are BOTH cereal.
Since this may not be a typical example of his acting out or the choices you give him, understand that in other cases, your child may be frustrated by his inability to make a choice at all. Couple this with a low tolerance for frustration and you have a tantrum.
Understand that while your child's behavior is not your fault, you do need to help him get a handle on it for the sake of his well-being and your sanity.
Although you have tried behavioral techniques in the past, I recommend you get a copy of this behavioral program which was specifically designed for kids who are mouthy, disrespectful, oppositional and defiant.
The program will teach you what you need to learn to stop the tantrums and defiance and create an environment in which your child can feel safe and be successful.
Although my two boys (12 and 15) are not defiant, they have occasionally had their moments and how you deal with it makes all the difference in the world. I have gone through the program and think the techniques and perspective you will gain will be invaluable in helping to turn around your son's behavior.
I know that child defiance can be exhausting, confusing and overwhelming, but the time to take action is now. Defiance is NOT just a phase. In fact, left unchecked, it will worsen and can develop into a full blown psychological disorder. Your son is eight. Take care of this now, so one day, you don't have to deal with a defiant teen who is bigger and stronger than you.
Please write back and tell us how you and your son are doing.
