Terrible Guilt Due to Child Incest

I was also incested by my father. It started on a trip that he took me on when I was 11. I was an "early developer" and I was aware for almost a year that my father was looking at me differently and sometimes "accidentally" brushing up against me. Once he walked in on me when I was naked in the bathtub and stayed and talked to me.

His attention and interest felt strange and wrong but oddly exciting. I now know that this is normal sometimes in such situations.

On our trip, my father and I had to sleep in the same bed. I know, looking back, that he probably arranged it so that we had a single bed in the motel room. He touched and fondled me under the covers... Kissing progressed to touching my body under my nightie. He guided my hands and made me masturbate him, and he openly masturbated me. I felt intense and overwhelming pleasure and experienced several orgasms. I felt that I was the one in the wrong. I now know that our bodies are wired to feel pleasure, and even in such situations, a pubescent girl like I was was capable of "enjoying" my own father's forbidden attentions.

Our sexual relationship continued for almost a year and a half -- oral sex, intercourse, and mutual masturbation. I kept everything a secret as did he. My intense sexual feelings and enjoyment trapped me into thinking that I was to blame.