Teens and Sexuality

by C
(Ontario, Canada)

Teens and Sexuality

The other day I sat at my computer only to find that there were 4 addresses entered into the URL bar that led to porn sites. Now - I know for a fact that it wasn't me and my 14 almost 15 year old was home alone for several hours a few nights ago.

The obvious issues around surfing these sites like viruses, pop ups, ads, trojans, worms etc...are a concern. THAT part I can address with him. Not to mention the idea of him potentially clicking on sites that are pay sites and I end up with a whopping phone bill for extra charges is another concern. And then there's the potential chance of him entering into the 'live' sites were he might encounter possible predators luring children just like him. THAT is an even bigger concern. We've talked together about all the dangers here.

I have spoken openly and in as much detail as I can offer when discussing sex. When replying to any of his questions or things that would come up either on TV, in the news, or in movies we would sometimes get into very healthy mature conversations about things like men/women/sexuality including more sensitive issues like masturbation, fantsies, homosexuality, porn, etc. We had the factual 'birds & bees' talk a long time ago.

My question is this. Where does a 14 year old boy find his sexual outlet when he is coming into what would 'seem' to him the most sexual time of his life? Is masturbating in the quiet privacy of your bed in the dark after going to bed on a school night enough? And is it healthy that he might feel he needs to hide to do this? There isn't a lot of privacy in our home, that is to say we are constantly in and out of the rooms and the only time he seems to want any actual privacy is to play his video games. I don't want to send the message that sex is bad, that looking at porn is wrong because although I don't think it depicts sexuality in the healthiest light or the most realistic, I don't think it's wrong either.

So how do I facilitate a healthy attitude and comfort level with his sexuality without being overboard? And is it my place to concern myself with this even? I don't know and would be interested to know what others have done.


~C in Canada

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Jun 30, 2009
Teen Sexuality
by: Laura Ramirez

What thoughtful questions about teen sexuality! Your openness is healthy and as such, I think your teen will find a healthy outlet for his drives and urges.

Do give him more privacy. For instance, a closed door should tell others that it is appropriate to knock before entering. Do discourage him from visiting the sites on the internet for the many reasons you mentioned, but I wouldn't make it into a big deal because you don't want it to become one of those taboo things that kids do just because they can.

There is enough sexuality in modern media to inform kids of the basics and to satisfy healthy curiosity. Do what you can to help him develop respect for women in a way that counterbalances the many ways in which our culture objectifies the female form.

Continue your "open door" policy and invite him to ask you about anything he feels comfortable asking.

No doubt he will have his own private thoughts that he won't be willing to share with his mom, but it will be nice for him to know that you are there if he needs you.

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