Teen has been kicked out of house
I have a similar situation to some of the other posters. I am step father to a 19.5 year old who we have now kicked out of the house 11 times. This last time looks more permanent than the other. He has:
Age 16: signed contract with parents that said he would not do a list of 30 different things. If he did them, he would be kicked out when he graduated high school.
Age 17: lost job for setting fire to the trash can out back
Age 17: caught by police for breaking and entering a neighbor's house
Age 17: Suspended for Fbombing a teacher
Age 17: Started using Marijuana
Age 17: Caught trying to buy Acid
Age 18: Refused
Age 18: Stealing and selling wife's 3 gold necklaces and some rare coins
Age 18: Kicked out of house. Spent 7 days with friends, slept in park,
came home begging to stay. Wife let him in.
Age 18: Was given opportunity to go to community college. One chance to turn it around. 3 weeks in drops a class. Never opens a book. Hangs with bad friends all day. Starts skipping classes. Winds up with 1 'C', 1 dropped class, 3 incompletes.
Age 18: caught by store shoplifting alcohol. police arrest. spends 3 nights in jail.
Age 18: kicked out of house. spends 2 months at friend's grandma's who doesn't know he is staying there.
Age 18: caught by store shoplifting food. no police action
Age 18: refused to go to court ordered theft prevention course. Court lets him off anyways because he tells them "he will change his ways"
Age 19: Back at home, military refuses him because of the breaking and entering charge.
Age 19: Is with 2 other kids who steal a dvd from library, they are caught and arrested. He spends 7 days in jail for refusing to tell who took the DVD. Finally tells and is released but his friends disown him. He comes home says he is done with illegal stuff and is actually pleasant around the house.
Age 19: Friends take him back and he goes straight back to his old ways.
Friends steal from high school locker with him present and he is arrested.
Age 19: promises he has changed. Agrees that if he can't find a job in 2 weeks and do chores and stay clean that he will go to live with father. One day later wife catches him rolling joints in his room. He agrees he should be kicked out and is.
Age 19: While back at home to grab some clothes he steals and sells most of my wife's jewelry.
That was 3 weeks ago. He currently works 10 hours a week under the table because with his record, he can't get a real job. He has been living with friends apparently for 3 weeks. He did not go to his court appearance, the docket says there are 2 warrants out for his arrest.
The marijuana use continued most of this time period and who knows what else. Once he went to a party and drank alcohol for the first time and got so drunk so fast he had to be rushed to the emergency room and pumped full of liquid. Complete and total lack of respect for his mother. Doesn't want to look for work or work at all for that matter. Problem is he is a smart kid and could have a solid life.
He won't accept ANY punishments just walks out the door. Once I got in his face and pushed him up against the washing machine and he called the police. The police came and told him if he wasn't getting along with his parents he should leave.
I am looking for some outside the box thinking on this situation and what can be done. We have a 11 year old and twin 9 year olds in the house who do not have behavior problems. I liked the note idea mentioned. I wish we would have thought about that 4 years ago when the problems started.
His main problem is he has an abrasive, selfish personality and that caused him to fall down into the "burnout" group of high school friends. All of his friends have been in and out of rehab with no results.