teen daughter is rejecting me because I want to get remarried, what now?

by Stephanie
(Bakersfield, Ca)

I have 2 teenagers (boy 17 and girl 16). I filed in 2001 and finally divorced their dad in 2005. I had another rebound dating relationship from 03-05 that surprise! produced a second daughter and I ended up raising her completely on my own (that bf bailed the minute I said pregnant even though we used protection). This made me very shy about dating and so I only had a handful of dates from the time she was 3.5 to when she turned 6. The few dates I did go on were never in their presence and were not serious at all.

Their dad has not had a single date since I left in 2001.

So basically neither of the older kids have ever seen a parent in a solid loving relationship and they don't know how to deal with it.
I was introduced to M in Sept 2011, casually dated and both of us realized quickly that there was some serious chemistry- we have developed a wonderful deep relationship and he has been treating my (now 7)yr old as a daughter. (He has no kids.)

We gave a 10 month in advance heads up to the teenagers that we would be moving in together this summer and that is when the trouble began.
Teen daughter cannot handle this at all. She says that I am not a mother when he is at our home, that I turn on the GF and turn off the mom.

Yes I have changed a bit- I have become a happy, more patient, more "get up and get it yourself because I am not Cinderella" (I realized that I was doing EVERYTHING for my kids and not teaching them to do anything for themselves)I WAS cleaning their rooms, fixing every snack, drink of water, meal, laundry etc at their beck and call because I had serious mama guilt about the divorce for years. I also work 40+ hrs a week to make a home for them.

Teen daughter has declared war and said that no matter what- once I pack the house to move in with M-(in 5 weeks) that I will never see her again because she refuses to be with me anymore. M is extremely respectful of her and of my relationships with all my kids, we gave her almost a years notice and we are waiting another 2 yrs for marriage to not push her away from me.

How do I fix this before it destroys our relationship?? (either of them)
Has anybody dealt with this before?

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