Step Son Won't Leave Home

by Carolyn
(Canada)

My step son is 23 yrs old and still lives with his dad and I. I don't ask for a whole lot except keep your room clean, no food in the bedroom and make your bed before you leave in the morning. This has been a rule in the house since he came to live with us 11 yrs ago. I also have 2 children from a previous marriage and it was the same for them as well. I have always said that if they thought it was so tough, there is the door.


My daughter has moved out and stays in touch every day. My son moved to his dad's so he could be closer to his girlfriend and my husband's daughter lives with her mother. My step son that lives with us refuses to follow these few simple rules and goes out of his way to make my life hell.

Things came to a head when he gave me a book to read that was titled Job interviews for Dummies. I was just laid off from my job a month ago and decided to wait to look for another till I get my health issues sorted out.

He constantly disrespects me and the rules we have which are next to none. He has totally ignored his dad and I for the last 2 weeks and I was so mad that I finally told him to move out.

His dad is now not talking to me and says that I am making everything up. He is blaming me for everything that is going wrong and won't believe a word I say.

My step son makes good money and can more than afford to move. He has a nice little lifestyle while he is here and doesn't want to lose it. We have sacrificed so much for all the kids and I feel that it is time for us to be able to enjoy our lives.

Am I asking too much as step son and his dad seem to think?

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Sep 14, 2012
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No mercy for respectless steph children
by: Patrick, Holland

I will be very short, of course selecting a partner is one's own mature choice but once there's a situation that the steph child simply doesn't accept any authority anymore from their non-biological parent or when there is no reasonable communication between both steph parent and biological parent possible concerning their kid: take your bags, there is the door, get out and stay out.

In my language we say: aanpassen of opkrassen "adapt or get out"

Nov 08, 2011
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not the best approach from the start,perhaps
by: Anonymous

i think it is the role of the natural parent to do ANY disciplining. once you get caught up in that place, you become the enemy, and why should a step son listen to you?#1. He's at that age, where nothing any adult says seems worthy of listening to , and #2. his own father never says anything, and by all rights, he's the only one that matters here. So you set yourself up from the beginning by thinking you have any rights to discipline-that is HIS FATHER'S JOB.

Now it's a big mess. Obviously, he came back for something. He's not truly ready to have left the nest. So tell your husband to care enough to do his job and pay strict attention to his son, so that your role is no longer compromised. And try staying out of the boy's life for a little while, step back, admit to him that you were wrong, and that you did it only because his dad wasn't doing his job. Try to just be an understanding adult, who can give him advise, and leave the disciplining up to his father.

Jan 10, 2011
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Stepson Won't Leave Home
by: Anonymous

Carolyn. I wish I had some sort of advice to give you that would help your problem. we are in the same situation, with one exception, I have raised our adult problem since he was five.

He took off at 18 because I would not allow him to sit around watching TV without doing anything to further his position in life. He left, married and had a child. He is now back. He works but blows all of his money on stupid stuff. He doesn't help out financially nor by chores. He downright refuses to hear anything I have to say. I am about as confused as I can be.

I just wanted to let you know that you are not the only one. I have done some research on the Peter Pan syndrome, but I don't feel as though it relates to my situation as the kids the studies were talking about were staying at home in order to better themselves and prepare for the future by attending college, saving for their future and getting ready for life. My son is not doing this, he is enjoying his life and allowing us to carry him. So as long as we are in the same boat, pass the minnows please. I will keep you in prayer.

Jul 13, 2009
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Get him out!
by: Anonymous

The previous commenter is right: you made your bed yourself, you are to blame.
He took advantage of you.

Tell him to get the fuck out. Make his life a living hell. Give your husband an ultimatum, it's you or his bastard son. Tell him that this "son" is damaging your health, you suffer from it. If your husband doesn't care and you are not more important to him, why do you need such a husband?
If you don't stand for yourself, and fight for your rights, you deserve to be treated like shit.

Call the police if needed. Tell them it's your house, and he doesn't live there, you don't want to tolerate him.

Jul 07, 2009
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no one forced you
by: Anonymous

No one forced to marry someone with kids. There are plenty of people out there with no baggage (no kids). So if you chose to be with someone who has a kid then that's your decision. Stop complaining.

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