Step son Neglected by Bio Mom - How Do I Help?

by Angela
(Virginia)

My step son is 8 years old and appears to be VERY underweight for his age, mentally slow, has a SERIOUS lack of common sense and has the serious inability to reason logically.

Again, he's 8 and weighs 57 lbs -very underweight. I don't want to sound cruel, but I don't know how else to describe some of the things he does...but here goes...

- Has 2 socks in front of him. Puts on 1 sock, puts on 1 shoe. Puts on 2nd shoe, NO SOCK on 2nd foot...claims "I forgot" (the whole process of putting on his socks and shoes took 15 minutes!)

- Performs nearly all tasks very very slow -no urgency in anything he does..even if it's fun for him. He appears to struggle with a lot of things.

- It seems that he processes everything very slowly. He always has this "Deer Caught in Headlights" look - semi-glazed over appearance. His mom didn't do drugs or drink during her pregnancy...

- His mother has been feeding him primarily fast food since he cut teeth. She DOES NOT LIKE TO COOK! Cooking for her is opening a box of pre-fried Banquet chicken, throwing it in the oven and voila!

- His mother does not make him eat healthy..even if someone in the house makes an OCCASIONAL (and I stress occasional) "healthy meal" - if he doesn't want the healthy food he has a fit and his Mom says, " OK you can have hot dogs" Not only is that reinforcing bad behavior but he's also eating poorly.

- Child is VERY VERY clingy. Mom has gotten married and had 2 more kids with this man. (total of 5 now)...my step son may or may not feel neglected or isolated...but it may not constitute the states legal definition of neglect or isolation (does this mean its NOT neglect?)

- He over all just "doesn't seem to get it" By "it" I mean EVERYTHING. Puts his shoes on but doesn't tie them or says "Ohhhhhh ohhhk...I forgot." Or he will get this look of epiphany on his face; Like he never even considered the thought of tying his shoes. He recently learned how to tie his shoes because his dad and I and older siblings sat down and taught him. (what a looong process)- he just didn't get it. His mom just didn't even try to teach him.

- When I cook tasty food like Chicken Alfredo, Chicken Parm, Stuffed Shells, Lasagna (from scratch), fish, etc..he gags on it as everyone else devours it! We say, "You're GOING to eat...no hot dogs, no chips, you WILL EAT YOUR VEGGIES, etc" He really hates anything that isn't from the drive thru or in a bad labeled, "Doritos"

- He and the middle step son have rotten decayed molars - their breath is horrific! This is WITH dental insurance provided by my husband for the kids. Mom has the insurance cards but REFUSES to take them. It's so bad, the kids have ASKED her to take them to the dentist. (HOW MANY KIDS ASK TO BE TAKEN TO THE DENTIST?)

He will lie impulsively about things we see happen right before our eyes. ie: He will throw a ball in the house and I will correct him immediately. He will say "I didn't" - I say "I just SAW you!" (His mother is a pathological liar in the same way. She has stolen money from her family, caused them to lose their rental properties by collecting the rent from the tenants and then going SHOPPING!) His mother stole her aunt's AND own mother's IRS stimulus checks - of course they enabled her by not pressing charges. She will go out to eat at a nice Hibachi grill and then tell the kids, " Don't tell Grandma we went there...tell her we went to Mc Donald's...OK boys, what do we tell Grandma?" (makes them repeat her).

- Step son(s) including the older one we have custody of, has admitted witnessing her giving the kids NyQuil to make them sleep. Young step son has admitted it, older step son has confirmed it. I reported it to social services, they investigated and said it was "unfounded."

I don't know how to handle this situation because the courts always give chance after chance to the mother even though there is sufficient evidence that she just doesn't seem to care.

I don't know how to help and feel like the courts really rather give mom more chances to redeem herself when she's already shown how much she cares.