Step Parenting Help

Step Parenting Help

Hi There,

My partner and his 3 children have just moved in full time in the last two months. I already have 2 of my own so it makes for a busy house. My two girls are 5 & 7 and his two girls are 5 & 3 and his boy is 8 (9 in Dec). We are a little cramped but really enjoying each other.

One of my major issues is that the boy seems to be able to do a lot more around the house on his own than I am comfortable with. I think it's more that you grow with your kids and the stages they get into and I've missed that with him but I really am having a hard time.

He is allowed when he gets up in the morning to just come downstairs without letting us know he's up, and most of the time he's waking the girls up and they are down there as well. Also he's allowed to just get on the computer and Wii when ever he wants without asking, puts on the tv or movies when ever he feels like it. He's allowed to use the toaster on his own BUT now that they are here I have a toaster oven and that scares me.

His Dad and I had a discussion the other day because we had a guest sleeping downstairs and when the boy got up I asked him to please stay in his room as there is someone sleeping downstairs. He did for a while and then he went downstairs...just to check the time he said. My issue was not that he went downstairs but that he didn't see it as doing anything wrong, his actual response was "I was just checking the time"...to me he directly disregarded us telling him to stay in his room and he didn't care.

I know that I am very strict with my kids, I have to be as they have no rules when they are with their father and I understand that I need to loosen up a bit. Can someone help me...are these things that almost 9 year olds should be doing? I worry he's going to set the house on fire with the toaster oven or hurt himself as they are SO hot. I don't want to argue with my spouse about it and I'm almost ready to just let him do what he wants and his Dad can deal with him as I'm really not sure what's okay and what's not.

Thanks in advance for your time.