Step mom wants her own children too, what to do?

by Nancy Beth
(Ontario )

I am a step mom to two boys 10 & 12, we've been nurturing our step family for 5 years now. Before I became part of this family I knew I wanted to raise children.

I told my future spouse of these hopes and they asked me not to, to join the family without bringing more children into the relationship. I agreed, not grasping just how strong this desire was. Now I'm into this family, but feeling like a shell of a person, especially when the kids are with us (which is a 50-50 custody arrangement) I feel empty without my own children.

Is this somehow symptomatic of step parenting or do I have a genuine drive to have my own children? Do I need to follow my grief driven fantasy of becoming a single mom?