Shunned By Siblings After Mom's Death

In my 37th year I went through divorce and feelings of helplessness because my brother and Father still verbally perpetrated me and Mom hated me. I escaped the family fold for ten years.

After Dad died my sister tried to reunite me with Mom. A cousin clued me in that Mom "dreaded" meeting with me, so it would be another year before we did meet. It went ok.

It was after, when the same sister pulled one of her stunts. Mom asked if there was anything she could do. I was going through terrible health problems from removal of mercury from my teeth. The dentist had performed root canals in the back molars and recommended crowns. So I said yes, if she could pay for the dental work that would be great. 3x in a dentist chair to get the work done and each time told Mom cancelled payment just before I got there. (She had my brother come the 2nd time to see if it was legit or if I was wasting her money, he told her after meeting with the dentist it was needed).

This last time I called to ask why, she said your sister said you should get all of your ugly teeth pulled and get dentures. I told her the crowns were for anchors for future dentures, she stood firm she wasn't going to pay. The same sister just got back from Belize and was going on another trip to Mejagorie the next week on Mom's dime. That was more important then Mom spending money on my teeth. You guessed it, she was the golden child who got whatever she wanted.

I left town to move closer to my daughter and far from family. Mom and I kept up communication and actually got to like each other. My sister couldn't interfere with us.

At Dad's directive I was left off the will, but Mom had a ledger she had entered all that anyone ever borrowed. She showed it to my son whom she trusted implicitly (she was upset with the rest of my siblings because they constantly drained her for money and she wasn't trusting them) and her wishes were to have the money divided equally.

After Mom died he brought that up and they denied any such entry in the ledger and went by the will only. To soothe their consciences they gave me a split of what was in the bank. Enough to buy a used car and fix a few things around home.

Meantime my siblings are buying BMW's and new houses (Mom was quite wealthy) and think nothing of how they divided things, they have nothing to worry about. I am on disability and dependent on the government. They feel I got what I deserved and should consider myself lucky they thought of me and gave me what they did. I told them I knew about the ledger and they are not following Mom's final wishes. Since they deny it exists, for me to make a fuss I am an ingrate.

I have since read up on dynamics of incest family and their rejection is commonplace, especially when money is involved. I also learned the biggest problem with the family is they are all narcisstic and in the case of my sister I would say she is also sociopath. She will eat a person alive to get what she wants and is extremely mean-spirited when she doesn't.

I told them I divorce myself from the family evil and to not contact me. It was hard at first dealing with their betrayal. As I told them, they could've changed the wrongs and made it right for all of us and we could've all been made whole. They chose to put me in the same hole as my parents did and treat me indifferently and I don't accept that, we are done!

I get sad for what never was, a happy family, but I am also feeling freer a piece at a time. I don't have to do this sick family anymore. They said I was ruining my family, my kids. They are adult and made their own choices not to have anything to do with them. They think it is a pretty sick family from what they witnessed from their actions and how they treated me. They only have themselves to blame for that. I won't make myself available again for them to dump on me or blame me for anything again. They can tear each other up now because I am out of the picture.

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Nov 10, 2014
Things are as they are meant to be now
by: Anonymous

Mom's not holding me down so my sister can spit on me anymore so to speak. It is good to be free and pulled out of the dynamics. My grown children had a harder time resolving emotions, what was real, but they now see through the facade and see them for what they are. They have little to do with my siblings. It's not easy for them to get their head around how they treated their mother. The family splintered in pieces afterward as I knew it would, there was nothing to hold it together, no domineering parents lording over them. My sociopath sister tried to replace them but they all ended up rejecting each other and avoid each other, one moved the other side of the country. He was emotionally victimized by the rest after I vacated. He emailed he missed me, I emailed an article about wills and how typically it is used and family dynamics in an incest family, it was the last I heard from him, two years ago, so be it. I am content, my children get me now, I have more grandchildren in the last two years to makes us a bigger family. I like my life. Keep well and thanks, God bless your journey!

Nov 09, 2014
I am so sorry this was done to you.
by: Salamander

I came from a similar family. I was adopted, then my mother got pregnant with my sis shortly afterward. I grew up to be tall, slender and pretty. My sis was shorter and heavy. I was molested by dad until I was big enough to fight him off. Which I was punished for. I tried to tell counselors and school, by it mom said I was lying, then "forgot" all about it.Mom hated me more and more as I got older, verbal and physical abuse as well as neglect. My sis was fired on and spoiled. Mom told people I was a slut, a bad person, that she hated me. She lied and told people I had used drugs and done all sorts of awful things. She said wanted me to grow up knowing that I was nothing special compared to sis. I was sent to an abusive reform school for a year to shut me up and keep me in line.

Now, mom has died. Sis has cheated me out of majority of inheritance. She is angry that I won't allow dad near my daughter. She and family are mad that I won't take care of my dad. They all know about the abuse. Wash' t it enough that I helped take care of mom for years? I drove her around and helped her out every weekend for years!She was diagnosed with cancer after moving out of state and I traveled back and forth for months so I could help her. I never once threw the abuse back at her, even when she said horribly cruel things to me. While I changed her diaper and wiped her ass.

I realized long ago that I was adopted by crazy people, and there was nothing I could have done to make them love me. I now realize that, as bad as my life with them was, it is my sis who is the one who has been done the most lasting damage. She is still desperate for approval and attention. She bases her entire self worth on the adulation of other people. She thinks that the world owes her special treatment. She has had a lot of trouble as an adult with people in authority. She expects them to do everything for her. She can't tolerate criticism. She spends too much, and is in serious debt because she is living beyond her means. She wants everyone else to think she is wealthy.

Ok, I know I am rambling. What my point is (finally) is that your sis and other family are messed up, and they have been conditioned to think that they are fine. You know your family is crazy. You have a strength and wisdom that they will never possess. Your sis may have money and possessions now, but for how long? She wouldn't have that without help from your mom. So the question is, now what will she do? My sis has since had to leave her job and move into her MIL's basement. Her MIL thinks sis and her husband are financially irresponsible and a bit trashy. Sis is having a hard time, because there is no one to spoil her or tell her how wonderful she is. She has no ability to cope on her own. I'll bet that you can take care of yourself pretty well. I wonder how week your sister will be able to keep up her facade of perfection.

I hope you will have a long and happy life, with love and fulfillment with caring people around you. I hope that, like me, you will find your way out of all their crazy. Take care.

Nov 28, 2011
forgive not forget
by: Anonymous

I forgive all of them, it is mental illness and narcissistic, emotionally dangerous behavior, this family is all about tearing each other up. They used and abused my Mom for her money and it is their souls that need reckoning with on that matter. How they made her feel used up hurts me more then their actions towards me do. It was awful that she had doubts why they were into her.

They are deceptive and know what Mom's intent and final wishes were, she would've never sat with my son who she trusted above all and shown her intent. I can see why she would've done it that way because my sister was domineering and loves control. She didn't allow Mom to think for herself the last few years and Mom resented it.

I live far enough away that I can separate myself from being entrenched in their drama's. God is leading me to a new way, a new life, I am fortunate to live in nature's forests where I can discover something new everyday and absorb the postive energies here. I see God all around.

I feel sorrow for my siblings that they refuse to break free of role playing and continue to make me the scapegoat/black sheep. It is the family label that is so far off and I refuse to wear it and have for a long time. That's where their frustration lies, I will not play the game that the family structure was built on. I pulled my card out and the house of cards tumbled, I get that.

I forgive but will not forget again and make myself vulnerable to people who are inheritantly evil because I don't need it to affect the happiness I managed to find once I did pull out. Things are getting brighter every day!

Nov 28, 2011
It will be ok
by: Anonymous

Have a forgiving heart. $$$ is a sore spot for some people. Trust and believe God Loves You and will take care of all your needs. He's a wonderful Counselor and a Sweet Heavenly Father. Loves you more than anyone in this world.

My biological dad abused me. I went to the police about it and my mother took his side. He denied it, fled town, and he died a month later before his court date. My teenage years were tough and the relationship with my mother was very strained. I had a hard time with the feelings of relief he died and sad because I loved him too.

At 19 yrs I trusted Jesus Christ as my Savior and I felt real love for the first time. God helped me forgive my dad and my mother. She took his insurance $ too and that was for us kids and it's a sore spot with her. But God takes care of my needs. 10 yrs later her and I have a better relationship and I have been praying for her all these years. I know she loves me the best way she can.

I was never able to talk with anyone about the incest because I had no support from my mom, sister or gma. They would make off hand remarks out of no where which broke my heart. But I can still forgive them because God helps me to, and I'm no saint either. How can I not forgive when God has forgiven me for so much? Oh, and the Bible says God is the avenger. I love that.

Currently God is helping me with Alcoholism because it's my enemy and has almost destroyed my life. I'm in women's AA groups and have faith God with help my with alcohol. And to not self-destruct and hate myself. I'm still a little weird at times but have more compassion for people, a constant work in progress. Perfectionism was also a downfall.

Pray and hope the best for you. Just wanted to share my story. There is hope.

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