Resentment for Stepchild

by Jen
(South Dakota)

My boyfriend and I moved in together 7 months ago; we both have children from relationships. He and I have been acquaintances for 5 years, so we both knew about our children when we got together.

We love each other very much, we want to get married, the problem is the kids. His youngest is 18 months old, he takes him 2-3 nights a week. I can't stand his kid. There is a lot of resentment between his mother and I, due to her lying to me about her sleeping with my boyfriend, and trying to get him back while we have been together.

I realize that is most of my problem with the child. However, I also have issues with the way my boyfriend treats the child. He spoils him beyond what I believe is healthy. The child whines and cries all the time, and to keep him quieter, my boyfriend holds him the entire time.

So the child has realized that he will pick him up if throws a big enough fit. It drives me insane! Worse, is the way he treats my 2 children who live with us full time. He dislikes my children and yells at me for not disciplining them because I don't like to spank them.

He treats them like they are the spawn of Satan, and I feel the same about his child. It seems like we should just give up, but we love each other and we want to be together. But we fight all the time about the kids. Especially my kids.

When his kid is here, we always get into blowout fights. I hate the way he acts like his kid is better than mine, and I don't know how I can get over my hatred of his son. We are starting family counseling in January, but I don't know what to do.