Hello, I am currently engaged to a man that I love very much. I met him about three years ago when his daughter had just turned 1. She was an accident, and my finace at the time was 22 and his daughter's mother 18.
He tried to do the right thing and stuck by her mother, but the problems between them persisted. She called off the wedding and they split. I met him soon after. For 3 months his ex would not let him see his daughter despite the phone calls, finally she gave in.
At first I was excited to have a child around, especially a baby, as I was at a point in my life where I was ready to settle down. The past 2 years, and especially the past year have been very difficult. We have his daughter every weekend, we both work long hours so we barely get to see each other during the week and then have no time alone what so ever on the weekends.
I am the primary caretaker for her, I pick her up from school on a Friday and take her back to school on Monday. Where her mother neglects her I pick up the slack. I look out for her welfare but I can not find it in myself to love her, I go through the actions but there is no emotion.
I don't want her around, I feel that my free time is being sucked up by her and I can't do the things I enjoy, even go to a movie with my fiance because she is always there.
To top it off she tests me to no end. She is very spiteful and acts one way when she is alone with me and another when "daddy" is home. He works overtime most weekends so I am with her most of the day. When she is with me she is very independent and can do things herself, when daddy is home she needs help with everything. If my finace and I lay down on
the couch to watch a movie she climbs on top of us and literally elbows me and keeps pushing until I get up and then looks at me as if to say I got my way. If I say no, she goes to daddy, who is more likely to give in because his time with her is limited and he overlooks a lot.
The child is just outright mean in my eyes. She torments me by being spiteful and then runs to daddy like she is innocent. She acts like a baby when he is around.
I know children will test to a point, its part of growing up, but this is beyond normal, she knows exactly what she is doing.
I resent the child, I wish she was not around and it takes everything I have to deal with her, especially when she is acting out. We are supposed to get married soon and he wants her to be the flower girl, like any father would but I don't want to have to deal with her on my wedding day. I want that to be our time, I don't want to have to be irritated the whole day because she's trying to get daddy's attention away from me or anyone else.
We are also planning on having a child and I'm scared to leave her unattended with a baby, I don't know what she will do out of spite for daddy's attention. We got a puppy not to long ago and she completely acted out and was outright mean to the puppy. I'm seriously afraid she will hurt my own child.
I've talked to my fiance and some things he sees but he says that she doesn't get to see him that much and I have to give her a break. We get into fights over her all the time because she does something that I reprimand her for and she goes crying to him. I'm so frustrated, and I love him but I feel like its going to come to me or her. Please help.