raising a step son who has a brother from another father

by unknown
(south africa)

when i got involved with my husband who was then my boyfriend, i knew he had a son but i knew he was part of the package. few years down the line, his mother was blessed with another child from another man, little did i know at some point i will have to deal with him as well. The elder brother does not know that the little brother is not my husband's child.

my husband and i decided to take our relationship into the next level, got engaged and moved in together. His son would visit us occasionally on weekends or during school holidays, one day when my husband went to fetch his son for a visit "surprise, surprise" he came with the two boys. i was not impressed and tried to find out what was happening and he told me he had no choice but to bring them both because the mother left them alone and he couldn't leave the other one alone. i understood but told him that i hope this is not going to be a habit.

this continued and it was a different story all the time. in 2009 we got married and later on had our very own child, thinking the situation would change. The other brother does not come as often as he used to but when he comes no arrangements are done with me, he just comes. my stepson always tell his father that he wants to spend time with his brother and he does not see any problem with this, he says its innocent visits and he just does not get it when i tell him i do not feel comfortable with the arrangement as i end up having to take care of him as well when i was not even consulted before.

I'm really sick and tired now having to complain about the same issue over and over again. he just does not get the point

please advise

Comments for raising a step son who has a brother from another father

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Apr 12, 2011
by: Anonymous

thank you so much for your comments much appreciated. that's is why i love my husband more because he is so great and so loving and giving.
i don't feel things should just happen in our house, we should all agree before anyone visits to ensure we are all comfortable there will be no tension, not unless the situation is different.

i do not like keeping secrets and wouldn't want my kids to be part of the secrecy. One of the reason's why no arrangements are made is because my step son will always think his younger brother also have a right to come whenever he feels like it because he does not know the truth. how long are we going to keep this from him? he is no longer a child,what are we going to tell our kids? i'm not being negative about it but i should be told, i should not be treated like a visitor in my own house.
i believe honesty is the best policy, i don't not want the child to be treated differently but things should be done the right way. As i would not just send my kids to someone's house without making any arrangements with them because we all have our own lives and plans.

Apr 11, 2011
I feel sorry for the child
by: Anonymous

Kudos to your husband for having the compassion to open his heart to another mans child!

While I can understand your frustration with not being consulted on this situation, I completely fail to understand why you feel quite so negatively about it. Is the other little boy what you would call a hellion? Is he distructive? Is he mean or spiteful? Does he disrespect you in anyway? Would you want the onerous task of explaining to your young step son that the other little boy isn't by your husband?

There are so so so many little children that are being pushed to the side and unwanted because of their parentage or for many other various reasons and then society wonders why these same children turn out to be thugs, villans and hoodlums.
If I had the means and proper living space, personally I'd take on all the "unwanted" children and give them all the love the desire!

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Step Parenting Tips, Questions & Advice.