I just watched the movie Precious with my Mom, similar to you my mother is frail from years of abuse and she has been emotionally shut down so we always tip toe around the facts.
My father passed away 15 years ago, but since the age of 4 through my early teens, he was physically, emotionally, verbally and at a younger age, sexually. I do not have clear memories about the sexual abuse, but did have fragmented flash back dreams through my early twenties.
I have had a weight issue since the age of 16 and the fear of being too attractive and vulnerable to men has always been a fear. My last relationship of five years was verbally abusive and demeaning. I stayed of course until I couldn't take it any longer.
I have since been wiring my story and telling it aloud in order to heal and honor the parts of me that never got their say.
I wish you healing and the strength to accept that you may never have a clear memory but know that their should be no personal shame only pride in surviving such abuse. Good luck to everyone.
Apr 15, 2009 Rating
Child Sexual Abuse by: Laura Ramirez
Since this is a parenting forum, rather than a forum for adults reflecting on events that occurred in childhood, I will keep my answer brief.
You do seem to have some classic signs of someone who was sexually molested as a child. Of course, the symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder could also be a result of the violence, lack of trust and sense of safety in your childhood, as well as your father's inappropriate behavior toward you and your sisters.
When a child has been repeatedly traumatized, repressed memories can be buried deep or even completely obliterated. You may never know for sure exactly what happened. Although some sense of closure is achieved by knowing "the truth," it may be more helpful to go forward and work on healing the wounds inflicted during your childhood, so you can reclaim your life.
I recommend that you purchase, read and do the exercises in the following books:
I also recommend that you read my parenting book because it will help you reflect upon your childhood and move past it to become a caring, responsible adult who can create a life that is entirely her own.
