Problems with Middle Age Step Children

My husband has 3 grown children 52, 49 and the youngest is 45. I am younger than my husband but I am near 60 years old myself. The children and I only get along if I am their maid and say nothing.

My husband allows the middle son to come and bring his girlfriend to stay with us for 2 and 3 weeks at a time. Mind you, they never clean nor cook and they change my furniture around to suit them. If I say anything it's a big argument. The 45 old old son lives now about 3 and 1/2 hours away and is now married so they come 2 and 3 times a month and stay from Thursday until Sunday. They never clean or cook or make their beds. My home is always in a disarray until they leave. They must have breakfast every morning and a 3 course meal at lunch and dinner because my husband says they have to eat. If I disagree it is a big argument.

No, I don't work outside the home now. I worked for 26 years before I lost my job. I have worked for a total of 35 years and raised 2 male children of my own alone.

My husband is not a well man, but I take really good care of him. No one else but me. I am so tired. He thinks I need him to survive because I have no money. But I can leave and take care of myself as well as take care of his grown children.

I took my vows in the eye sight of God to heart, I do love my husband. I am supposed to be responsible for my husband and not his grown children. He is suppose to show me the same regard. I am at my ends wits. Any thoughts?

Comments for Problems with Middle Age Step Children

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Dec 21, 2009
Dignity and Self-Respect
by: Laura Ramirez

Hi Rose,

You need to learn to stand up for yourself. Living up to your marriage vows does not mean that you must tolerate abuse. If this man does not care for you after all you've done and if he does not see you as his partner, then he may not leave you anything in the end.

I would like to teach you how to stand up for yourself, so you can lead a life of dignity and self-respect, even if this requires that you end your marriage. If this sounds good to that healthy part of you that is reaching out for help, then you can find out about my coaching services by going to:

Whatever you decide to do, know that you deserve much better than the life you lead right now, but you have to take responsibility for creating it because no one will do that for you, especially not the people who take advantage of you right now.

I hope this helps.

Dec 20, 2009
Middle Age Stepchildren
by: Rose

Thank you so much for your comments. I have told my husband this over and over, but it always an ugly argument because he's always trying to demean a person with his mouth. I do love him but I am on the verge of giving up and leaving him.

He's 20 years older than me and sickly, but that doesn't mean anything because the vows says in sickness and in health richer or poorer. He has property and he hides money and I really think that he's buying their love by holding the property over their heads. It is really difficult to pay the taxes on the land.

If he doesn't want me to have anything, I suggested that he give it to his 3 sons now. He tells me I don't know anything about business. I have to let him know not to take my meekness for a weakness.

Thanks for listening again.

P.S. I am not even allow to write him a note to tell him how I feel. But his words are abusive so there is no conversation, only when it comes to his sons and their spouses and girlfriend.

Dec 20, 2009
Your Life Matters
by: Anonymous

If it is not ok for you to do the work for them, then you should not! You are the partner of their father but not their maid.
Enough is enough! Talk to your partner. Tell him that you love him, but you do not want to do the work for others anymore...

It is your life!
You are responsible what are you doing with it...

All the best!

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Step Parenting Tips, Questions & Advice.