Other kids picking on my kid

by Concerned parent
(Princeton NJ)

I have a 3 and a half year old who we have raised well in my opinion. We tell him not to hit other kids, and when other kids hit him, to tell them to stop. He is very well-behaved and is a joy for us as parents.


However, when he is around other kids, he becomes the focus of their attention. The other kids hit him and tease him, because he cries very quickly and does not fight back. He is often now playing by himself when the other kids are playing together. We don't want him to grow to be the one that always gets bullied. But we don't want to tell him that is ok to hit other kids - we don't want him to be a bully. The parents of the other kids punish their kids when they hit our son, but the pattern continues.

Any thoughts? We like the other parents, and they are trying to discipline their kids - it just doesn't work.

Concerned parent

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Jan 08, 2012
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Self Defense
by: Anonymous

My daughter was the victim of abuse as kindergartener by 2 5th grade girls that lived on our block. I told her she had my support to stick up for herself but she was not to start anything. She started to say things back but it got worse for her until one day I watched while they tormented her on the bus stop. Im not crazy but bullying is my pet peeve...I went after the girls and made them feel intimidated like they did my daughter. I also welcomed their parents to come to my door to discuss the behavior of their kids. I also called the school to let them know what was happening. The girls got in trouble at school and only one parent confronted me. He was a Muslim father and wouldnt even look at me to talk because of their religious beliefs that women should shut up. It didnt take him long to realize that I was going to fight for my kid. My daughter til this day sticks up for herself now. She knows she has to fight her own battles...but I showed her how to begin. Its what I had to do as a mother since the other parents were oblivious to their own kids behaviors. Good luck.

Oct 21, 2009
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Kids Picking on Me
by: zaria

My mom always told me to fight back. No matter what, she said that if they hit me, always hold my pencil in my hand, and she said that if they jump, and try to hit me, you best believe that I'm going to start stabbing. Always teach a CHILD to stand up for them self.

Mar 09, 2008
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Give him words and hold other children accountable.
by: Daniel Scott

I would role play and give your child language to use to express himself instead of crying. "I don't like that", "That hurts my feelings", "STOP THAT", etc.

I would have the children talk to each other when you break up a fight. I'd have your son tell the child the words you practiced before. It hurts me when you hit me. I would also show the other child the results of his actions ..."you made him cry....his skin is red where you scratched him, that must hurt". Connect the other child to the effects of their action. I think removing a child or a simple "I'm sorry" lets them off the hook.

I would also ask the other parents to hold their children accountable. They need to ask "Are you ok?" and "What will make you feel better?" If they hit your son, have them take him to the kitchen to get him ice or a band aid, or whatever it is that will make him feel better.

I would also watch closely to see what triggers the aggression. If there is a consistent pattern that you can predict, try to change things before they get out of hand.

Hope this helps a little.

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