My Sister had Incest Relations with my Stepfather

by Close family

In order to be healed survivors of rape and sexual abuse must come out of the isolation, self denial and hiding. It is true that telling it to loved ones and breaking the silence is the first step to recovery. Every time you break the silence and trust someone, especially your loved ones, you are one step farther in your healing journey? Oleg Sapurov

I recall my abuse when I was about 10 years old and my small sister was about 8 years old, back in early 1980s.

We grew up in a small close military city during the Soviet time. My father died of cancer, when I was 6 and my sister was 4 years old. My mother a career focused woman in the Soviet communist party system was all about her work and spent very little time with us. So me and my sister grew up fending for ourselves, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.

I am stronger than my sister whose emotions were broken by early sexual abuse. The full recollection I have is during my mother's wedding to her second husband (I will never call him my stepfather) when I was about 11 and my sister was 9. Everyone was drunk from the wedding party and children were placed in some rooms to sleep.

I work up in the night when someone was pulling at my pants. I kicked the person in the face and he left in the dark. After an hour when I woke up I saw this man on top of my sister. He was having sex with her. She did not scream or anything and laid quietly. I was also shocked to say anything.

Our ordeal was carried through when we had to live under a strong regime of my mother's husband, I will not call him my step-father. Since my mother was normally out of our home and come home very late in the evening or go on business trips, we were soon left prey to the hands of her husband. He had a strong personality and was a tyrant who scared everyone including my mother who submitted to him.

He tried it on me many times but it didn't work so he tried it on my sister. I knew either she was stupid or allowed it to happen or it was in her nature not to say no. He would have sex with her when he wanted and when he could not in our small apartment, he would bring her down to the basement and do it there, telling us that they would be cleaning the basement.

She is someone who did not want trouble and allowed abuse on herself. She allowed it to happen since she would not tell anyone. I don't know why she would not tell my mother. Although we did not discuss openly, I think she knew that I knew what she was doing. I somehow became so protective of her over the years.

After my mother's second husband died, my sister left home to the big city and started her own life. I have seen that this abuse has destroyed her self esteem and she tries to compensate with material things like clothes or eating habits and became fat, alcoholic, and has taken comfort in sleeping with married men including her best friend's husband, as deep inside, I am sure she is a broken woman.

She is now happily married to a wonderful man and they have a family. I think she has told her husband already as he is a very supportive man. Sometimes I wish I had her husband, but this is something I will never tell her. I have come out of two marriages myself and cannot explain where I went wrong. Thank you for letting me share my experiences as it makes me feel relived after telling.

Translated from original Russian version posted February 2009