My Family

by Johanna

About 3 yrs ago my fiance moved in with me and my 2 kids. At first everything was good. We found out I was pregnant a short time after he moved in.

My kids were used only having me around. They were not used to having a man in the house, so after a while, they both started acting out in their own ways. My fiance has 3 teenage daughters who came to spend the summer with us only 6 six months after he moved in. I honestly did not think it was a good idea, but was reluctant to say anything because in his past relationship, his kids were not welcome.

Things went from bad to worse for a while. My fiance lost his job, I was pregnant, my kids were acting out and now we had his 3 teenagers testing his patience (and so were my kids). Two of his kids ended staying with us for 1/2 a year but he had to send them back to their mom.

During the course of the past 2 years, we had our son, bought a house and had many issues with my kids (mainly my son, who is now 7). My fiance is acting as a full time step parent especially to my son because "real dad" is nowhere to be found.

Before he came to live with us, I was a single/working mom for 3-4 years and my guilt of not being there with them constantly made me too soft. The kids had no real structure and that was the main problem with my son's issues, especially at school.

Throughout the past 2 years my fiance has helped me to provide more structure/discipline to my kids and it has helped with their behavior dramatically and my son is doing much better in school.

I found out that my son made a comment to a cousin saying that he hated his stepfather. I know this can be a normal part of his feelings because he can't get away with what he used to being that my fiance is always on the look out.

Another issue is that my mom came to live with us and I think has made my son resentful of my fiance because she does not like it when he addresses behavioral or school issues with my son. She feels he is not being treated fairly because that is not his son and that you can see that there is a difference in his feelings between my son and our son.

My mother fails to understand that it takes time for a person to love someone else's child as your own. I don't love his kids as I love my own, but I do care deeply for them as I know he has learned to the same with mine.

Being that my fiance had lost his job and was on unemployment, we opted for him to stay home when our son was born. He did find a night job over a year ago and was laid off after a few months and has not been able to find another job since then.

He currently is a stay at home dad with our son. He takes my son to school every day and picks up my daughter at school everyday, cook and cleans when they baby lets him while I'm at work.

This has been very hard for him as a man because he feels that he should be working but he's doing good. This has stressed him a lot and makes him a bit more uptight and tends to see the glass 1/2 empty instead of half full. I think it is good that at least one of us is home taking care of the kids and making sure they are not getting in trouble.

My mom thinks he is a lazy dead beat. How wrong is she? He's doing what I would be doing if the roles were reversed.

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