My 17 year old stepson does not like me

by Karla
(Seattle WA)

My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married for 2 years. He has full custody of his 2 sons who are now 17 and 13. I do everything for these kids and have tried so hard to have a good relationship with them. I cook, clean, take them places, and try to be involved in their lives.

The 17 year old has always been distant and used to tell me he wished I weren't part of the family. I am a bit of a neat freak and he hates that so I have really pulled back on asking him to clean up his own mess. I think he resents me still for coming into his life.

He recently said he doesnt even want to be home because he doesnt like the fact he has to clean up after himself. I am not sure what I can do to make him like me better or if I can at all. He doesnt like to go to his Moms because her house is messy but he doesnt want to be here because it has to be clean.

Am I wrong for having an expectation of cleanliness and his only chore is to clean his room and make his bed? Even when I ask him to do that he thinks I am nagging and only contributes to him not liking me. He is also disrespectful at times and talks back now and then.

His Dad has told him umpteen times he cant talk to me like that but he still does. When his Dad scolds him for this I think he resents me more for his Dad siding with me.

I have tried everything and my last resort is to not do things for him, clean up his messes and avoid him. I am not that kind of person but I dont know what else to do. And forget talking to him or trying to have a heart to heart, he doesnt talk about anything. Based on his angry attitude and comments it is clear he doesnt want me around . This is causing so much stress. Please help.

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Feb 11, 2012
by: Anonymous


I have the exact same problem with a 19 year-old. he never visits his mum - so he is with us constantly and there is no relief.

My new partner seems to be scared of standing up properly to this boy and he does nothing around the house. I am for all practical intents and purposes his mother. I do everything for him - though refuse to clean his room. That was initially for his sake because I wanted him to have his own place in the house that I did not go in to.

Everyone tells me to stop trying to get him to like me - but that does not make for a very happy home. i have 5 more years of this until he leaves university. I feel very resented.

Did you sort your problem out? Any advice?

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