Mom allows teenager to run the house

I absolutely love my family. Not having been a parent and only having cared for my god children this was a learning experience. The trouble I am having with finding balance is that our 15 year old often takes this very arrogant attitude that he runs the house and everyone should do as he says right away and without question.

His biological father was, as I have been told by everyone, a master manipulator and he used silence and pouting as punishment. Sadly, my step son has learned that.

His mom is a strong woman but she very rarely enforces anything with him. For example, the classic issue with cleaning of the room. She has been after him for just over 3 months and not only is it not clean but this 15 year old has now spread his things to several other rooms of the house.

He can often be a very thoughtful child. He is very intelligent, quite funny, and very creative. He does, however, constantly back talk and raise a voice to his mom, his brother and I. He does not take into account the thoughts and feelings of others; his need in the moment is all that counts. He has often manipulated his mother, who works night shift, into going without sleep to ride him to school just because he does not want to wake up 20 minutes earlier to ride with a friend.

Any advice how to ignore and not be repulsed by the disrespect of his mom, how to not argue or complain with him but how to encourage a healthier behavior. Also, how can I convince my spouse to consider using a little discipline. He disobeys her frequently but since he isn't into bad behavior such as drugs and alcohol and such, she almost never takes away a single creature comfort.

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Aug 05, 2012
upsetting the apple cart
by: Anonymous

I advise you to leave well enough alone. Sure the lad is a pain, but nothing you cant live with. /What if you get tough and it backfires? The boy might come home high as a kite, or not come home at all for a week. From the letter, I assume the mother is not too unhappy with the situation. You seem to be the one with the problem. Make the boy unhappy enough, and he might start a program to get rid of you. believe me, a fifteen yr old can make life rough if he decides to.What will you do if he tells you to go straight to hell the next time you tell him to do something? As long as he is not into drugs or drinking, consider yourself lucky
and live with a little backtalk.

Apr 06, 2011
Great Parenting Advice... Thanks for sharing
by: Sprog Blogs

Thanks Laura for sharing this helpful information. A lot of people facing same problem with their child.

Sprog Blogs

Feb 19, 2011
Teenager Rules the Roost
by: Laura Ramirez

I completely understand the dilemma you face in which your teenager rules the roost. He is not a bad kid, in fact, most of the time, he's pretty good, but it's "my way or the highway" with him and he has the funny idea that he's in charge even though he doesn't make money, put food on the table or pay the bills.

I saw a poster in my son's high school the other day that made me laugh and reminded me of this issue. It said "ATTENTION TEENAGERS: Tired of Being Harassed by Your Stupid Parents? TAKE ACTION NOW! Move Out. Get a Job. Pay Your Own Bills." No doubt you can see where I'm going.

The problem is that your wife is afraid of her son's anger. She's relieved that her son is a good kid most of the time and is afraid that if she confronts him for his lack of respect, things could get much worse. This is an issue in your wife's and your (after all you are a provider and have a say in this matter too) willingness to teach this boy the lessons he needs to cultivate emotional intelligence skills. And although some kids have a natural inclination toward this, other kids need to have privileges taken away to get it. Also, consider this: while he may get away with this behavior at home, believe me, authorities will not tolerate it, so you are actually doing him a great disservice by choosing to ignore it because it won't go away on its own.

I am putting together a teleseminar on this subject in the near future, so make sure to sign up for my mailing list, but for now, I suggest you read Total Transformation Review - a review of a behavioral program that can help your teenage son learn that no matter where he lives, there will be rules and limits.

Although your teen is not a rebellious, defiant teen like those described in the literature, you will all still benefit from going through this program. It is not a punitive program. Better still, if you have younger kids in the home who might be learning from your teen's example, taking care of this issue once and for all will teach everyone that it is unacceptable to treat those who take care of you (or anyone for that matter) with disrespect.

You and your wife deserve to have a happy home in which you are valued and respected. Your son deserves to learn that he is not in charge right now and that in order to get along with others, he must set aside childish demands, consider others, treat them kindly, follow your few simple rules and clean up after himself.

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