Mending hearts from mama to daughter

by nikki
(battle creek,mi)

I am very involved with my daughter who is going to be 3 soon and have some important questions for you. I have struggled with self medicating addiction on and off for a few yrs due to a lot of emotional pain within my childhood/adult life. As a result I have went from being primary parent to supervised visits and separated from her father due to my instability emotionally.

I never ever was a bad parent to my kids but I have been to jail and now am in treatment full-time to deal with my issues and through the courts been placed in drug court/intensive probation until 2011. Since being in program 3 months but away from her on and off for 6 months I worry that it is really harming her emotional stability due to my actions.

I am doing great now since being in treatment but have had some relapse episodes and due to that get thrown in jail 5-8 days at a whack. I now am back home with her and her father and am trying to stay clean and really work through all of this and be a better me and mom.

Is there any advice to make sure I consider her emotional well-being beside being there for her consistently and making decisions based on what's best for her to get through this without permanent scarring.

I know the simple answer is to not relapse and stay clean and put her 1st. I realize that and addiction takes time to control and it's new to me.

She means more THAN ANYTHING to me and I really want to see her be strong, respected and healthy mentally and I would welcome any advice you have.

It is very hard writing this due to the fact I have to accept that it is my fault and deal with hurting an innocent child and admitting to all of you that I made poor choices.

Please know I am willing to do whatever is needed to get through this and be there for her emotionally, physically and spiritually cuz I love her dearly. Thank you.