Losing ground...

by Deborah
(Canton, ct.)

My husband is a victim of incest. His older sister molested him over a summer when he was 5 and she was 13. The mother put them in bed together while spending a summer at a lake house. He told me this when we had been together for years. He was calm, and told me it was nothing, that it was consensual. A 5 yr old doesn't know what consensual means. I was horrified at his casual attitude about it. He dismissed it, and didn't want to discuss it with me. We have been together 23 years. A wonderful relationship, a great sexual relationship. Fast forward to this past year. He received a diagnosis of ED and fell apart. He became distant with me, and depressed. I discovered he was watching porn, and I had a nervous breakdown. Everything was crumbling down around us. He's in therapy and dealing with this trauma now....at 69 years of age. Our marriage is suffering, he says he loves me and wants to stay together. I feel betrayed by the porn, and that he didn't come to me, and that he lied over and over. I love him, but I am disgusted beyond belief, and I feel lousy, ugly, and that he is not the same. He has trouble with intimacy and trust and although I understand all this, I feel alone and abandoned. He has a long road ahead of him, but I feel I've lost my husband at the moment. Any words of wisdom out there...?

Thanks,
Deborah

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