Lesbian Parenting: Important Advice and Tips

Lesbian parenting ...
... is no different from any other way of raising children. Your orientation does not affect your ability to love and care for your child. Like any parent, you must be willing to examine your own upbringing and change behaviors that are not conducive to creating a healthy parent-child relationship.

Lesbian Parenting Advice

  • Heterosexual parents do not discuss their orientation with their young children and neither should you. If questions come up, simply tell your young child that she has two mothers and that they care about each other and love her very much. Since other children will question this, prepare your child with a response to other kids' questions or comments.
  • This reminds me of an incident that happened when my eldest son was in preschool. From the time that he could talk, my husband used to tell him how lucky he was to have a daddy who could teach him the secrets of life. One day, we were at a family gathering at the preschool. In attendance was a girl who happened to have two mothers. When each child introduced their parents to everyone else, my son clapped his hand over his mouth and exclaimed in voice loud enough for everyone to hear, "You don't have a daddy? Who's going to teach you all the secrets?" I smiled at the girl's mothers and said to my son, "Mommies know lots of secrets too." My son was satisfied with that answer and the other kids were too.
  • If you are currently single, do what I advise other single parents to do: find out as much as possible about a potential partner before bringing them to your home by joining an online dating site.

Lesbian parenting tip: Keep your sexuality private, but not in the closet.
  • Like all parents, keep your sexuality private. I said private—not in the closet. Don't treat your lifestyle like it's some big secret, but at the same time, it's not something you need to discuss until your child is older and starts questioning further what it means to have two mothers and how this is different from kids who have a mom and dad. If questions come up, draw parallels to traditional relationships, saying that you and your partner love each other as much as so-and-so's mom and dad.
  • When you come out to your child is a personal decision, but it may be best to wait until your child is older and has some understanding of romantic relationships. Don't tell a child prematurely. Know your child and your family and wait for the moment that seems right. Model honesty, answer questions, but don't offer extra information.
  • Create diversity in your life by cultivating friends with families of different types, like blended families, gay families, families of different religions and cultures and families with interracial couples and multiracial children. This communicates to your child that love, connection and responsibility is what makes a family, not opposite-gender or same-race unions.
  • Like learning anything in life, lesbian parenting requires reading parenting books and thinking about how you relate to your child. None of us were taught how to parent and many among us are simply raising our children the way that we were raised. Instead, read books that inspire you to think deeply about your role as a parent and act in your child's best interests. By making a full commitment to your child, she will never question you or your partner's ability to love her because she will have experienced it every day of her life.




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About the Author: Laura Ramirez is the author of the award-winning book, Keepers of the Children: Native American Wisdom and Parenting . Her book combines ancient native secrets with current day psychology to show parents (and step parents!) how to raise children to develop their natural strengths and lead uniquely purposeful and fulfilling lives. This book teaches parents how to raise children to have the courage to be who they truly are and reclaim themselves as part of the process. She lives with her husband and two children in the sage-dotted Nevada foothills and is a step parent and step grandparent. Ms. Ramirez is available for speaking engagements. To find out about her speaking fee and availability use the Contact Us link to the left to send us information about your upcoming event.

If you're looking for someone special to share your life with, online dating is a good way to go. It allows you to learn a great deal about someone before going out with them. This is especially important if you have children.



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