Lazy Step Son

I have question about my soon to be step son. He is 23 lives in our basement he doesn't work does nothing around the house not even clean up after himself. I do the laundry housekeeping cooking he basically sleeps all day and stays up all night playing video games he showers once a week and makes no effort to do anything.


I have told his dad that he (stepson) should get a job or at least do things around the house but his dad says I am picking on him. This man/boy doesn't even drive more that 5 miles and will not drive on the highway. He has no friends other than the online people he plays video games with at night.

His dad made the statement that he would drive him to McDonalds and watch him fill out the application. That is crazy...he is 23 not mentally challenged or any health issues.

I have a 11 year old daughter that gets the pleasure of seeing all this. If she wants extra allowance we tell her she has to do extra chores yet the man/child just gets money handed to him by his dad. I am about to give up on the whole situation.

I can't reason with dad and it sends a bad message to my daughter. We argue about it a lot and then his ex wife puts her two cents in also. I asked his dad to tell him to either be a productive part of the family doing chores around the house and/or get a job.

Did I do the right thing? I am not saying he needs to move out, I just want him to grow up and act his age. (Not only does he stay in the basement he takes his meals down there and then brings his dirty plates up and puts them in the sink not in the dishwasher.)

Sorry I know I am complaining but I really don't know how to handle this situation. Thank you for any comments.

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May 12, 2012
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Lazy Stepson Remedy
by: Tough Love 192

I know this thread is a little old, but someone may benefit from what can be made a positive outcome for everyone involved in this example.

If the Stepson is over 21, then he's an adult capable of looking after himself. I'll put the steps in number form - 1) You rent an appartment near a train station or transport in his name, and you as guarantor, you pay the bond and 3 months rent. 2)Tell the stepson he has 3 months to find a job, and he'll be moving to an appartment in 3 months time - tell him the date. 3) Buy him a travel pass for the year, either bus train or what is made available in your location. He has no option but to grow up and stop living off the back of your kindness. - I know this works, I have seen it work time and time again, the lazy stepson will only stop sucking the lounge up his backside if he is made to pay for himself. Best Regards.

Nov 25, 2011
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Worst nightmare ever!
by: CATRINA

This was a second marriage for both of us. I married my husband 4 yrs ago after going together for eight yrs.We were each others best friend and soul mate. I was not the cause of the break-up of his marriage. Husbands ex wife abandoned him and young son before I entered the picture. When we married he was 18, and now is 23 yrs old, and has lived with us the whole time, he works 12 hours a week, we don't charge him any rent or bills. I never stepped on his toes was always kind and nice to him. I felt it was his fathers job to disipline.
Father has never made him do any chores, his bedroom had a stench to it.
I never had a problem with him until recently he had told me he met-up with his real mom after 13 yrs of no birthday cards, no xmas cards, no child support payments, and she told him she needed him to support her (she was a drug addict when she left them)... When I told him I understand how that must of made him feel, he said NO you don't understand!!! He told me how he resented his father marrying me because he wanted his parents to eventually get back together.
Shortly after that my new car in the garage that I paid for with my own inheritance money, had many subtle scratches on it, and when I brought my husbands attention to this with the three of us there, husband says You did'nt see him do it. Two months later son admits to me he scratched my car, and husband started arguing with me about it, and I told them both they could leave.... husband moved out with son, because son cannot support himself at this time. Husbands request he does not want a divorce, and hes crying, husband and I have been in therapy at his request for 6 months now. I have refused to have the son come back and live with us, husband wants us all back as a family, son has not been in therapy. Son does not want to live with the two of us either. I am ending the marriage, and it is so sad because son dosen't realize what he's done to his father. As my husband told me I was the Love of his life.

Please post comments.

Nov 30, 2010
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Yuk situation - so sorry
by: Anonymous

I would NOT marry this man until he gets rid of his ADULT son! If it doesn't happen before you get married, then it isn't going to happen!!!! TRUST ME. I told my fiance (now husband) I would not let any of his adult kids live with us unless they were in school or doing something productive (not X-BOX all day). It worked.

Basically I told him it was me or them. Fortunately he picked me but if he didn't, I was not going to be miserable for the rest of my life living with 2 adult men not doing squat.

God did not intend for SEVERAL adult people to live together - just 2 - man and wife. If he makes his son get out it will only BENEFIT his son. MEN - AARRGH!

Nov 17, 2010
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Lazy Adult Step Son
by: Laura Ramirez

You are right to be concerned about the behavior of your lazy, adult step son, how this impacts your work load and the impression that this makes on your daughter.

You say that he is a "soon to be" step son so this leads me to believe that you have not yet married his father. This means that you do still have a lot of power with regard to the situation.

Apparently, your fiance does not realize that his failure to help his son become a man who is responsible for himself and accountable for his actions is crippling him as an adult.

If you need parenting coaching to help rectify this situation, click on the link.

Good luck.

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