Incest - My Brother and Me

by Rhonda Kay Grindle
(USA)

Incest: My Brother and Me

When I was around 3 or 4 I was raped by my own brother. My mother walked in on one incident and told my brother, who was 11 or 12 that she'd better not ever catch him doing that again. After that, it was never talked about.

I am now 44 years old and have thought of it from time to time. Sure it bothered me, but now it has gotten worse. My brother died of a massive heart attack 6 days ago. Thank God, he never had children of his own.

When I was a teenager I acted out, both sexually as well as the usual teen stuff. I haven't slept over 2 to 3 hours each night since his death. At the end, I was there for him while he was hospitalized.

As each day passes it is brought back repeatedly to mind. Sometimes I think I am going crazy. My father has since passed away and my mother is 72 and is not in great health.
I could never bring this up to her at this point, since she just lost one of four children.

My brother never seemed to "fit" into out family. He would always say he was the black sheep of the family. I guess maybe this is why. My father was a minister as well as a good man and my mother was the best around.

How could they figure this would just "escape" my mind, maybe because I was so young. I guess I'll never be quite sure, but it was never discussed. I have never told my husband or anyone else.

Dear God, please give me the strength to go on and take one day at a time. Meanwhile, I have to be there for my mother. If anyone reads this please keep me in your prayers.