I was totally unaware.

by Lynn
(Flagstaff, AZ, USA)

Mother and Daughtr

Mother and Daughtr

I learned of my daughter's trauma when she was 17. My husband, her father, had been fondling her from age 8 to 17. I never had any clue what was going on. There were no signs, symptoms, or complaints. I only learned of the incident during our divorce.

My daughter had visited her father during our impending divorce and his new girlfriend was witness to the fondling. They had a huge argument, which included our three sons, about the incident. It was only after that argument that I was told about the incest. My daughter has had counseling, her father and I are divorced, and she has not seen him since she was 17. She is 40 now but still has lasting effects from the trauma.

I was upset reading your article, which stated that the mother was usually aware. Believe me, I had no idea this was happening. My daughter never mentioned anything to me. We were a family that watched television stories on incest that encouraged the person being affected to tell someone what they were going through. I spoke to each of the children about the importance of bad touch and that if they ever experienced it to tell. Tell either me, their Dad, a school counselor, anyone, or everyone.

Not a word, not a sign, nothing... My daughter has told me that it mainly happened when I was working (11 p.m. to 7 a.m.). I feel so much guilt that I wasn't aware of what was going on so I could get her out of the situation. I would have left him in an instant had I known what he was doing to my child.

I've asked my daughter for forgiveness for not being there when she needed me the most. I hate myself for not knowing, not seeing, not being aware of the situation. Why didn't God give me a sign, a warning, something...

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