How to Discipline Step Children

by danielle
(boise, id)

Give Your Child a Solid Foundation
Question about How to Discipline Step Children: I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months. I have a 9 and 8 year old and he has a 8 and 6 year old. His ex wife is very controlling, nosy, and texts my boyfriend all the time to inquire about our schedule, our life, what the kids are doing (are we bathing them, why did one get to spend the night somewhere and not the other, why are they sad etc.).

I can tell she is not over him finding someone new and is in our life constantly. We have 4 kids and taking all four of them sometimes just doesn't work (I work for my mom in an elderly home and can only take 2 to work with me or it is too much for her clients. Sometimes they spend time with my family but we rarely ask to send all four because that is a lot to ask of people.

We do take turns and I feel I am fair and I try to be but the girls are always crying and whining to their mom about how unfair it is and the littlest one pouts every time we have to tell her no.

I can't help it but I am starting to resent her for it. She is so used to getting her way and I feel she should be punished for the consistent pouting. My boyfriend and his ex both have pretty much always given her what he wants and now I step in and stick to my guns with the no and I can tell she is starting to resent me too.

My boyfriend tells her no but then he has to explain himself and assure her. For example we went for a walk the other night and she attempted to walk into oncoming traffic 3 times. He kept telling her why that was not okay but then when she pouted for being told "no", he scooped her up and held her like a baby and babied her.

It drove me nuts, I was raised very differently and so are my children. No means no, and you don't get babied because you are upset about it, be firm and stick to your guns. She pouts all the time and then gets babied.

I keep telling my boyfriend what I see and he say's he's working on it but he keeps babying her. Then she runs back to her mother and gets sympathy and I am looking like the bad guy.

And whenever her (the ex) kids tell her of the "unfairness", she immediately calls my boyfriend demanding an "explanation", and I feel we shouldn't need to be explaining our actions every other day to her.

It is obvious in the girls behavior they have not had much discipline and structure and have been over babied by both of them their entire life and I just cannot be okay with that or what it teaches and shows my children.

I am starting to resent the entire situation and have been thinking about packing up and leaving, however, this man treats me better than anyone ever has and I really love him.

Please any advice on how to discipline step children would be appreciated.

P.S. I do not talk to the ex-wife, I tried befriending her on Facebook and it just caused her and I to fight because she is the type who is very two-faced and fake and did little things to get to me and eventually I deleted her and blocked her because I saw that all she was doing was using it to interfere and investigate into our life and then later try and use it as a tool. Thanks.

Lear how to discipline step children with a tool that will teach you both what works and get you on the same page.

Comments for How to Discipline Step Children

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Jan 24, 2011
by: Sara Kirk

i have the same situation! anyone to talk to about it would be great! send me a request on facebook!

Aug 27, 2010
by: Anonymous

Amazing..I finally found someone on here that has the same situation that I am in.

Although I can't offer any suggestions or solutions to this problem, as I am searching for them myself, I can tell you that I have been leaning on both my boyfriend and friends...friends have offered a lot of support.

If you would like to talk sometime, either through facebook or where ever, reply back to this and we can talk.

I completely understand what you're feeling, from the resentment to the packing up and's tough, but I'm sure things will work least that's what I've been told.
Good Luck and hope to talk to you soon.


Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Step Parenting Tips, Questions & Advice.