How do I stop my husband from sabotaging my relationship with my step kids?
My husband and I have been married for 2 years. He has 3 girls, 18, 16, and 12. I have 3 boys, 19, 16 and 10. I am finding being a step parent to the girls very difficult. My husband has said awful things about me to the older girls when he has been mad at me. He also will not support me when I tell him I think the girls should not be allowed to do things or go certain places.
If he does go with a suggestion I make, the girls will say he is just doing it to make me happy and I believe he goes along with them when he is alone with them so he does not look like the bad guy. I have to enforce the house rules with all the kids and I'm tired of being placed in the light of the cruel and insensitive parent.
The girls give me attitude when I ask them to do anything. And it has gotten worse since my husband does not really back me up. Quick example: His 16 year old told me she was going to her grandma's recently and that her 16 year old boyfriend would be joining her. I was so upset that my husband's mother would allow such a thing. The message being sent was so wrong, I thought. I told my husband about it and he assured me that it would not take place. I felt better that he assured me he would not let it happen, but it did happen and he told me he tried to tell his mom that he did not like it, but he never told her not to let it happen. He just looked at me like I was crazy and why do I let these things bother me?
I try talking to him, but he just says I don't like his kids. I tell him I just want to teach them values and morals and how to be ladies. But I find that my husband's values and mine are not the same as I thought. Or maybe they are, but he will not back them up with action in fear of his kids getting mad at him. I feel lost in this marriage and not sure what my role is as the step parent.
I have just stopped making doctor and dentist appointments for the girls and told my husband that either him or his ex can start taking the girls for cleanings and physicals. That became a fight because again," I just don't care about his kids." I just want to set boundaries, so I don't feel taken advantage of and have a clearer understanding of where I fit into this step picture.
Help me understand this mess I have gotten myself and my kids into. How can we (me and my husband) get on the same page and remain on the same team?