How do I handle a relationship between my emotionally abusive mother and my daughter?
I am 32 years old and 26 weeks pregnant ... we found out early that this is a high risk pregnancy and should avoid stress. I have been pushed all of my life by my emotionally abusive mother. I finally had enough when my 7-year-old daughter came home after spending the night with her and my step father. We had a doctor’s appointment that ran a little longer than we thought and I couldn't meet my mother earlier.
This upset my mother, who shared her feelings with my daughter, and she sent my step father to bring our daughter home. My daughter was crying and saying that her Nana said that she was going to move away and that she wouldn't be able to see her again because she was mad at me. This hurt... I do not want my mother hurting my daughter the same ways she hurt me!
I finally got up the courage to send her a 5-page letter in the mail explaining all of my feelings. My mother is not rational so I knew it wouldn’t be a good idea to speak with her in person while pregnant.
In this letter, I encouraged her to call me to talk to me about this because until we can resolve these issues, my daughter will not be staying the night or having contact with her. She hasn't called me in two months so my thoughts are that she doesn't care.
My daughter received a Halloween
card with her name on the front of the card ... her name was in all caps and underlined twice. In the card, my mother asked my daughter to have me let her call her. I don't feel like it is a good idea for my daughter to have any contact with her while my mother is still angry at me as this has proven to be a bad idea in the past.
Until recently, my mother hasn't talked to my brother for 2 years. This was a topic of discussion between my mother and 7-year-old daughter. My daughter came home several times upset with what my mother had to say about her uncle!
I did not let my daughter call her nor have I explained to her why I haven't spoken to her Nana. I don't feel like this is something she should be worrying about at 7-years-old. She should only be worrying about being a happy, healthy child. My daughter has not asked where Nana is or if she could see her. Maybe she is relieved in a way that the drama has ceased...?
Should I talk to my daughter about this? Do you think I am making the right decisions for my daughter? Should I wait to have this conversation with my mother before I let my daughter speak with her?
My daughter's 8th birthday is on Saturday and I am sure she will call and/or send gifts... How should I handle this situation? Please Help!