Help - My daughter hates my husband

by Maria Clark
(Chandler, AZ, USA)

My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years. I have three children, daughter - 14, daughter - 10, son - 7. My oldest daughter "hates" my husband.


She is very disrespectful to him. Treats him like he is lower than dirt. Has told me that she wishes he would just go away. She says she blames him for "taking me away from her".

She feels I can't see the real him and he has pulled the wool over my eyes. I see a man who tries very hard to be "accepted" by her, but nothing he does matters to her.

My oldest daughter has only phone contact with my ex-husband (her father) and only visits with him for a few hours every few months, due to strains in their relationship and ongoing issues between her father and his wife.

My middle daughter, age 10, "tolerates" my husband. She isn't as disrespectful as the older one, but as she approaches her tween years, I can see her disrespect growing.

She sees her dad every Sunday and Monday. She is as close to him as can be expected with this minimal amount of time they spend together.

My son, age 7, adores my husband and his father. He has been able to find a place for both of them in his heart. I figure it has to do with the age he was at when the divorce occurred and then the remarriage.

I am very concerned about my daughters' inability to open up and give in just a little bit. I get caught in the middle a lot because I can't stand to see my husband's feelings hurt all of the time and I spend a lot of time trying to convince my daughter what a great guy he really is.

I just don't know what to do. It causes a lot of unrest in our house. How can they make strides to build a relationship that isn't just co-existing in our house?

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Feb 12, 2016
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How did these work out NEW
by: Anonymous

I'm having similar issues and saw these were posted a few years ago - what did you do and how did it work out - do you put your kids first or stick it out?

Aug 03, 2015
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My daughter and my husband NEW
by: Anonymous

My daughter has bad panic disorder and cannot even get herself into school. She has to do online school. She also lost her father in horrific car accident over a year ago. For some reason she takes her aggressiveness out on my husband and I. I usually get through it with her, but he doesn't and has now decided that he no longer wants this life with me. I've tried different types of counseling for her, 90 in-treatment programs, which didn't work because they couldn't make her stay. Family interventions, etc...nothing works. I'm losing my family and my mind. She is 13 an other than the attitude, she is not into boys, drugs or anything else that could cause issues. Myself, I'm suffering from a sever form of panic and anxiety attacks, bipolar disorder and I have herniated buldging dics and other issues with my back and neck. My husband has also said he is tired of dealing with these issues as well. He went from my support system to a man who just can't take it anymore and wants out. It was all so sudden. I don't know what to do.

Aug 14, 2014
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Daughter hates husband
by: Anonymous

I have been married to my husband for 9 years been together 11 since my daughters were 4 and 5 years old they loved him we had lots of good year but once my youngest turned 15 she decided she was gay and new we weren't happy about it so left home. I thought she would come back but is enjoying sharing a house with a friend. since my oldest daughter who is now 17 got a steady boyfriend she has decided she hates my husband and she has totally changed from being a good kid to being hurtful disrespectful and swears at us both. she has moved into my mams house and says she won't come back until my husband has gone and won't even see me. My husband has 5 children who are all grown up and we both get on okay with them. I feel like chopping myself into 3 and giving them all a piece I am so torn apart by the whole thing.

May 11, 2011
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good luck
by: Emma

hi i understand, i have been married 5 years to my new husband, i have three beatifull daughters very strong willed - they have all had rebellious times especially against my husband, all been very cruel at different times.

my youngest 16 year old daughter has been very cruel & difficult - it has really taken a terrible toll on our marriage and our health - i dont know if we will make it, i really hope we do, i am so torn, my children or my husband - dont get me wrong , they are all acting badley , so if you find the answer please let me know. good luck desperate mum.

Dec 17, 2009
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Divorce him
by: Anonymous

Leave. Your children are your priority and they shouldn't have to be unhappy, so just YOU can be happy. How selfish can you be? You brought them into this world and it is your job to make sure they are comfortable and happy. They come before you and certainly before a man. Divorce him.

Nov 21, 2009
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Daughter Hates My Boyfriend
by: Anonymous

Daughter Hates My Boyfriend

My daughter is 21 and hates my partner of 7 years. She says he looks at her and makes her feel uncomfortable. She loves her real dad and wishes we were together still. She only talks to my partner when she has to.

My two sons get on ok with him. He never interferes with their lives or hers. He treats me nicer than any man in my life. I ask if he ever touched or said anything out of order she said no and she doesn't lie. Generally she seems very happy.

Where do I go from here as my kids will always come first. Do I hang in there or leave.

Oct 27, 2009
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RE: Help - My daughter hates my husband
by: Anonymous

It is not your daughters loss. IT IS YOUR LOSS BECAUSE YOU WILL LOSE HER. You need to divorce him. Your children come first. PERIOD. For those people who say that you are letting your children control you....f*** them! Your obligation is to your children, not him. Get rid of him or you will lose you daughter(s) forever.

Feb 05, 2009
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Daughter Hates Stepfather
by: Laura Ramirez

Your daughter may hate her stepfather because she is projecting her feelings onto him. This anger may be anger that she really feels toward her natural father, but is unable to express because they see each other so rarely.

Whatever the case, your new husband has endured her disrespect for almost 3 years, so it's time to put a stop to her behavior. If you don't, her treatment of him will only grow worse, her younger sister will start to follow her lead and this could drive a wedge between you and your husband.

Spend one-on-one time with your daughter to help her see that you are still there for her.

Get a copy of this behavioral program. It will teach you how to put a stop to disrespectful behavior in your household. It will also show you how to help your daughter become less rigid which is crucial to her emotional health.

By following the simple steps in this program, you will show your kids the limits of acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Everyone in your household will be happier and better off for it.

If you feel bad or guilty about your divorce and are enabling your children's behavior because of it, please stop because you are not serving your children's best interests. Kids are much more resilient than we give them credit for. Trust in your children's ability to heal and move on.

Your kids have a good man for a stepfather??one who has been willing to stand by them in spite of all the attitude. Be sure to honor your husband and tell him how fortunate you feel to have such an understanding man for a partner.

Feb 05, 2009
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Controlling
by: SwordmanJr

I can't say that I know your daughter well enough to state this emphatically, but it sounds to me like she's using all this as a means of controlling you, her mother. Many children whose father is no longer in the home try this common ploy to gain what they want, which is exclusive domination of your affections and energies. Remember.......children were born in sin just like all the rest of us.

All you can do is love her irrespective of her desires to manipulate and control the family environment. At worst, she will more than likely look back on these days, months, or even years, and understand that she was selfish and arrogant, and that she had wasted so much time on hate as a tool to gain her own selfish desires when she could have enjoyed being a part of something so meaningful.

It's her loss.

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