Hating My Step Son

by Wicked Step Mom

I married into a ready made situation with my much younger husband and his 2 year old son. I was happy with it being that he had sole physical custody of my stepson and no dealings with the EX and I didn't have any children of my own.

I was 38 when I found out that I was expecting my first baby. I had waited a long time, as I had trouble in the past and was very excited. My feelings did a 180 and now I am feeling hatred towards my stepson who is now 5.

He visits often with his grandmother (my in-law) and every other weekend with his mom. Every time he returns, its like mahem in the household. I feel like he is mean towards our daughter, his sister. My feelings are just that I don't like him since my daughter is born.

Is this normal? I am so overprotective of her and don't want anyone hurting her. I also feel that my husband feels sorry for his son because the mother abandoned him.

When my step son returns from the grandparent's house or from a weekend at his mom's, I dread it. My stomach actually gets nervous. I just don't feel like I want him there, intruding on my family with me my husband and our daughter.

Do you think that I need counseling? Is this something that will get better as he gets older? I hope for some answers and great advise.

Comments for Hating My Step Son

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Jan 31, 2012
He is the King
by: Anonymous

My stepchildren lives out of state and visits on holidays and in the summer. I hate to see them coming because they are nothing but trouble. His dad and I always get into a huge fights when they are visiting. My husband turns everything around to be my fault because he doesn't have the balls as an adult to reprimand his "children".

I have gone out of my way since day one to create a family situation and was looking forward to it. I bought camping gear and created trips and paid for trips so he could see his kids more often. They always wine "dad, we want just you to be around, we don't like it when she comes." As I found out later, it was their mother manipulating them to say that because she was jealous that I was spending time with her kids and her x-husband. Of course, my husband started wanting to go out of town by himself...and he did for 3 years one weekend a month. It was a constant chess match - me against x-wife and her 4 kids and her whole family.

I had enough of this crap and there had to be some changes. 1) I had to be Queen of my house 2) They had to show me respect in my house 3) His x-wife was not running my house anymore through her kids 4) No more out of town trips "without the Queen" 5) No more being friends and talking to the x when I wasn't around 6) No more stealing and breaking my things - if you do you will pay me for them 6) If anyone doesn't like the new rules, "Don't let the door hit you in the ass!"

Dec 02, 2010
Love instead of hate
by: Anonymous

I have a step-son that moved in about a year ago because the mother was homeless. I was so mad that my husband took custody of him. The mother has two other children from other fathers and keeps those kids with her and she takes care of them just fine (despite living at a women's shelter).

Oh no, my husband says his boy ain't livin in no shelter (Georgia redneck for ya) Now I have an extra child to take care of that was just fine with his mother. Than, to top it off, he don't make her pay child support, the child NEVER visits her and he never makes him.

The child will tell you he hates her and even tried to run away when she came on a bus across town to visit him. I felt such hate for this child for gettin his way.

Well, I had to get over it or leave. Instead, I asked God to help me find compassion for this child and it worked. I think when you come to forgive and try to love instead of hating it makes life a whole lot easier.

I have to tell myself constant that do you remember when you were 10 and could you have imagined this happening to you? My parents have been married over 50 years and never acted like this.

Mar 08, 2010
Not even his.......
by: Anonymous

It's one thing when a man is blind to his own child, would we not have enjoyed that as children ourselves. But when your husband insists on being Daddy to his ex's child. He is not her biological father but refuses to let go. The ex is begging him to let go so that she may create a new healthy family for herself and her child. It wreaks havoc in our home as he neglects his financial and emotional responsibilities to his marriage in order to cater to this child. Through no fault of her own, this child is greedy, disrespectful and manipulative. Yet, my husband has risked restraining orders in order to spend as little as two minutes with her as her bus stop. This is absurd, a grown man should not NEED stolen moments with a child.

Oct 27, 2009
by: Anonymous

I absolutely hate the child of my husband. I can't even call him a stepson cause he has never been married to this whore that got pregnant to get child support for 19 years. What should I call him, but a bastard?

I hate him cause he's just like his mother, pretends to be sweet and loves to victimize himself...And the dumb ass of my husband doesn't realize it.

Makes me totally ill when he calls him weekly and this child comes with all the bullshit he has to say while his mother is sucking money from my husband. I really don't know what to do. This is ruining my emotional life and I swear I think about divorcing him cause I can't stand this situation.

Please if someone has any comments, I will highly appreciate it cause I can't think of anything else.

Jul 20, 2009
Step Mom Hates Step Son
by: Laura Ramirez

While I applaud your courage for admitting these feelings about your step son, I'm sure you realize it is unhealthy to harbor resentment against a child who has probably done little to deserve it and who needs your love, acceptance, approval and guidance.

While it may be normal to be territorial about your family and protective of your child, this little boy needs to feel like he is part of the family or he will turn against himself and/or start doing negative things to make you notice him, let alone the hurt he will feel from your rejection.

I suggest you read my parenting book because it will give you a different perspective on your responsibilities as a parent not just to your child, but to all children in your care. It will also teach you that parenting is as much about your own growth as it is about your child's and reveal to you the many small ways in which nurturing your step son will help you become a better person overall.

Thank you for having the courage to be truthful about your feelings. I'm sure there are many other stepmothers out there who are struggling with similar feelings. This is a big step in the right direction.

Jul 18, 2009
I am feeling the same however.....
by: Anonymous

I am married to a man who has a son with his ex-girlfriend. She is like the "anti-christ." She hates me because I was the "other woman" before they got together, and now we are back together and have been married for almost 4 years with a 3 year old child of our own and another on the way.

We see his 7 year old son every second weekend. And before he arrives, I get all nervous and my stomach twists up in knots. I feel the same way when it comes to protecting our own-the 7 year old loves his sister, and she feels the same, but when they are together playing he takes things from her, and tells her no all the time.

He doesn't know how to share because he has never done it before with another sibling-so that is my frustration when he arrives, and I don't know how to express my feelings. I almost wonder if I even like him-and I feel really bad about that.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Step Parenting Tips, Questions & Advice.