Stepmom Hard Time Saying I Love YouNEW by: Anonymous
I don't have any step children and I always am telling my children that I love them, as my mum always has and does tell me, but my nan had seven children all of whom she adored and did everything for, her life was for her children and all her children knew that, she never once told them while they were growing up that she loved them, it wasn't her way, it wasn't how she was brought up, yet my mum and her siblings always said, she never needed too as it showed in her actions.
By the sound of it, you do just that so I don't think you should worry too much. My nan now does say she loves us but more because I went on and on and on at her until she broke! But does now say it with ease, the more you hear it, the more you say it, I think it will become easier! GOOD LUCK
Nov 26, 2009 Rating
Stepmother Has Hard Time Saying I Love You to StepchildrenNEW by: Laura Ramirez
Stepmother Has Hard Time Saying I Love You to Stepchildren
First of all, I applaud your honesty. Thanks for sharing your feelings. I'm sure there are other step parents who share your discomfort, so you are not alone.
Delving into why you're afraid to tell your stepchildren that you love them and how to heal that is really a topic for exploration as part of in-depth parenting coaching and if you're up for that, then I am available with insights.
In thinking about your issue, I've come up with what I feel will be a workable solution for you right now. Since you do show your stepchildren how you feel by taking care of them and spending time with them, you are doing a good job. But your discomfort with returning affection shows that you have deeper work to do and it's good that you are asking the right questions. Of course, some people will always prefer to show their love rather than tell it.
What I suggest to you is that you start by telling your stepchildren what you love about them. Rather than saying "I love you" which makes you uncomfortable, say something like, "I love how easily you express your feelings" or "I love how you help me with the dishes without asking because it makes me feel appreciated" or "I love just being with you" or "I love that you are part of my family," etc. You get the idea. Check your comfort level as you do so and of course, always be genuine.
I also suggest that you read my parenting book which teaches parents and stepparents what it really means to be the steward of a child and how raising children to develop their strengths can help you discover your own.
