Getting equal time

by Helen
(Canada)

Our grandson married a woman of West Indian heritage and they now have a son. She comes from a huge family (both her mother and father are one 10 or 12 siblings) so there's a huge number of aunts and uncles and cousins.
Our side of the family is English/Scottish and because we are recent immigrants, the family is small.
On occasions such as the marriage (and the impending baptism) we feel completely overwhelmed by the huge number of people on the other side. To make matters worse my son's wife identifies very much as "black" and she is very interested in making her son keenly aware of the black side of his heritage while downplaying his "white" heritage.
Although my son is the sole breadwinner and pays all the bills, her parents are invited 4 times as often as we are and when they come back here, they stay for longer periods with her parents.

Thus our grandson is constantly exposed to the wife's ideas and those of her parents and sees us much less frequently. That is also a result of the wife organizing all the family events and travel plans....my son works very hard and he just doesn't have the time but leaves it to her...thus her family always has precedence.
My husband and I are very concerned that my son's wife does not really want our grandson to spend much time with us...She seems to want to ignore the fact that he is a bi-racial baby with a much stronger connection to Britain than he has to Africa (she herself only has a very distant connection to Africa).
Please...we need advice. This is eating away at both my husband and I.