Father love

by Susan
(Saskatoon)

What about cases where the adult daughter is still in love with her father, even after there was incest. Why does she continue to love him and drastically hates her mother? This becomes very hurtful for the mother, who is confused and maybe doesn't know why her daughter has developed this love--hate relationship.

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Nov 28, 2013
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possible pregnancy
by: Anonymous

I found out that the daughter was pregnant when she was 16, yet she never came to her mother about it. When asked about what the Doc. told her about the discharge from her breasts, she said, Oh--its nothing. I never questioned her anymore about it. Yet she ran away from home, with hatred towards me, and wanted to live on her own, and have her father paying for an apartment for her, as well as buying the furniture. When she ran away from home, she would only contact her father, and talk to him on the phone. When I asked him what she wanted, or what they talked about, he wouldn't tell me.

I found out later that she was pregnant. Why wouldn't her father tell me about her pregnancy, and why was it a secret between the two of them, and I was excluded.

When she returned home approx. 5 months later, she was very close to her father, hated me, and was hitting me and pushing me out of my home. She said her Dad told her that if she could get me to leave, that the house would be hers, the new car that I bought for myself would be hers, as well as my jewelery, and she would live in our large house with her dad if I would leave. At this time she was 21 years old, finished her schooling, and had a full time job.

I told her that if she wasn't happy, then she could get her own place. She was old enough, and had a full time job. Sometime later, our home was broken into. My jewellery was gone, and I was devastated. Lucky I was at work when this happened, so my vehicle was still with me.

When the police started investigating, her father ran away to the farm, while the daughter quickly took off to Toronto. She's back in our home town now. Her father remarried, and his new wife doesn't like the daughter, so now the father has to sneak behind his new wife's back in order to see our daughter. Her fiance told me that her Dad stays over night at her place on his way back home so his new wife doesn't know. Her fiance told me she has an enormous amount of 14k gold jewelry.

When he questioned her about where she got all this--she answered him by saying that it's just guys she met online, that sent her this jewellery. Men from out of town that she has never met personally. What man is going to send 14k gold jewelery to someone that he has never met in person or dated, but only met online. Her fiance described some of the pieces of jewellery that she had, and I then realized that she had my jewellery. Her father removed my jewellery, from our home before the breakin, that I feel he staged. It seems that she might have been involved too, that's why she quickly took off to Toronto. I tried to get in touch with her at three different times, but she just shut me down. She said that if I still care about her, then don't contact her. I then decided to go that route.

Nov 28, 2013
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eradicate what is in the mind and what is telling you things that aren't true
by: Anonymous

You shouldn't love someone who uses you. You should see by now that it was clearly psychological for him and he made you feel what isn't real.

Don't let him continue to use you no matter what happened even if you think it is love. It happens in even un incest relations.

Seek guidance. This is not fair or just to anybody especially not you. He could never love you or respect you highly to have used his own flesh like a toy.

Apr 04, 2012
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Father love
by: Anonymous

Why would a 45 year old daughter of incest continue to hate her 71 year old mother, and continue to hate her, and run her down to everyone the daughter comes into contact with, when the mother had no idea that anything was going on as it was very secretive. Why does the daughter still love and praise her pedophile father as gratitude for his incest. This is very hurtful for the mother, who could be gone soon, especially when the daughter will have no contact with the mother, only hatred for the last 25 years. It seems that the mother is being punished for something that the father did, without the mothers knowledge. Why would the daughter as an adult woman still have such love and admiration for her father, and still hate her mother. As a 45 year old woman, shouldnt she be thinking in a different frame of mind, and realize that her mother wasn't aware and didn't know such a thing was going on, and that she should have come to her mother and let mother know.

Jan 13, 2012
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Father Love in Incest
by: Laura Ramirez

The daughter may continue to love the father after incest simply because she has had intimate relations with him and the complex web of feelings that creates along with her shame, repulsion and feelings of betrayal are hard for her to sort. It's easier to project all her hate on to the mother who was not there for her and did not protect from a father who was really a pedophile.

Please contact me for a referral to a good therapist. Your questions indicate that you need help. It is a good thing to ask for help, so you can begin to heal.

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