Set your boundaries for yourself and your husband NEW by: Melinda
Hello and good luck with this. I am writing to you with experience within this area. I did not take it to heart when my soon to be mother in law "scolded" me in public after I very respectfully encouraged my soon to be 4 year old step son to stop crawling under the table during a family dinner at sit down restaurant. I "whispered" in his ear to "stop crawling" under the table and to go and stand by his father instead of misbehaving.
Now 8 years later, we are in a court battle over how mean I am to this child. My mother in-law testified that I was mean to my stepson because of this event which happened over 8 years ago. My husband and I have 6 children, 4 mine and 2 his. All of the children live with us full time, except my husband's youngest who is now 12.
Our lives have never been peaceful, between my husband's ex-wife who writes emails and spreads rumors about how I am going to kill everyone, calling me a witch (including other creative names) and how I am mean to the kids.
My husband's parents have told us that they thought that we would send the boys to live with them before allowing either of the boys to live with their mother.
I have been accused of child abuse by these people. My husband works in law enforcement and I work with teenagers in a treatment program. We tried to please everyone. For years, I have forced the boys to go to visit their mother and grandparents, allowed pictures of them in their rooms and always sent holiday cards and gifts.
Do the right thing for your family and the children. SET your boundaries with your in-laws, this is a must. If you and your husband see eye to eye, sit down with your husband and in laws and have your husband make it clear to them that he is the parent for these children and just like them, you are responsible to provide guidance for the children when you are the adult in charge.
You and your husband are a team now and your relationship will be very strained and unsuccessful if you do not start out with boundaries within this area.
The two of you are the parents. Advice is encouraged and welcomed but your husband and you have the last word.
Oct 04, 2009 Rating
Discipling StepsonNEW by: Laura Ramirez
First of all, you need to gain the support of your husband. If you are going to live in a home with your stepson and take care of and guide him, then he must be able to put his trust in you as an adult and give you the respect and authority that requires. You should be able to discipline him (and by the way, I'm using the word here to mean "provide guidance"), like other trusted adults in his life.
You and your husband should request a meeting with his parents and present a united front. Let him tell them that since you will soon be his wife, he wants his son to see you as an aunt or second mother and that despite their protests, you have just as much a right and responsibility to provide guidance to his son.
If his parents object, he needs to tell them that his decision is final and that he is counting on them to not only see that this decision makes sense, but to respect it.
