Defiant Teen

What To Do About Defiant Teen Stepson


My partner and I have been dating for two years. My children have grown and left the family home, so I moved in with my partner and his fifteen-year old son.

He is a resentful, defiant teen, who goes out of his way to try and prove me wrong.

Lately, he has started questioning me about personal issues. For example the other day, he asked why I didn't wear pantyhose to work on Friday. These questions are becoming more frequent and more personal.

I have pretty much left the discipline to his dad, and only join in discussions when there is a decision to be made and when there is a financial situation that involves me being financially supportive outside of the normal running of the household.

We do not receive financial support from his mother for the daily living expenses of this child. He has destroyed 3 cell phones in the past 9 months and now he wants a cell phone plan which will have to be in his father's name due to his age.

Dad is a very soft, caring man, and is being very manipulated by this defiant teenager. Meanwhile, my resentment for him is growing. I am pretty much sick of being walked on by this teenager, sick of the disrespect, and since we are supposed to get married this year, I am having second thoughts.

I'm not sure how to handle things anymore, so any suggestions about how to handle defiant teens would be welcomed.

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Jan 26, 2009
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Run.
by: Anonymous

Do get married until the kid is out of the house.
It only gets worse. You and your boyfriend will end up hating each other, RUN!!!

Jan 04, 2009
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Defiant Teens
by: Laura Ramirez

You are dealing with a defiant teen who tries to provoke you at every turn. Your description indicates that he probably has a disorder called oppositional defiant disorder. Here are my recommendations:

1) Resolve not to let this child come between you and your partner. If you do, he wins and his behavior gets enabled.

2) Get a copy of this behavioral program which you and your partner can use at home to turn around your stepson's behavior.

The program contains simple techniques that were created by a therapist who developed them to turn around the behavior of countless defiant teens. The program works if you follow it.

3) Once you have received the program, ask your partner to sit down and watch the workshop DVD that comes with it. Make sure your stepson is not in the room.

4) Afterward, sit face to face with your partner, take his hand and touch him with your heartfelt words. Tell him how distressed you are about the way you are being treated by his son. Detail a couple of incidents and explain that his son is pushing you to the limit with his defiance, disrespect and inappropriate comments. Tell him that you are beginning to feel resentful of the treatment you are subject to at home.

5) Explain to him that this behavior is serious. If you need some back up, feel free to show him my post. Tell your partner that if he fails to intervene, his son's behavior will worsen. In fact, the research shows that oppositional defiant behavior can be the beginning of teen criminal behavior and is a precursor to adult antisocial behavior. If your partner continues to enable his son's defiance, one day, the authorities will have to get involved because the rest of the world is not going to tolerate such behavior.

6) If your partner loves his son, then he needs to recognize that his son's defiance is a cry for help. Deep in our hearts we all know that those who are cruel and disrespectful are miserable inside. Therefore, it is an act of love for your partner to take the steps to help his son turn his behavior around.

7) Take an active role in the discipline of this defiant teen. As he learns to respect the limits, his respect for you will grow. You are an adult, an authority figure in the home and you deserve to be treated as such.

This behavioral program is available on a trial basis so you can try it without risk to make sure it is right for you.

Know that you are not alone. Every day, I get more and more posts from parents, grandparents, stepparents and guardians of defiant teens.

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