Defiant Child

by mary
(Mancelona, MI USA)

Defiant Child

I have an eleven year old boy. We moved a year and a half ago and he started a new school with his brother and sister. The transition was bitter sweet because we moved close to my parents but he had to leave his friends behind.

At the old school he was still in elementary school but, the first year at the new school, he started middle school. The very first hour of school he sat next to his cousin and was literally kicked in the back and shoved down the bleachers by another student.

My son retaliated and hit the other student with his binder. That entire year was very hard on both of my boys who entered the middle school. The school system they entered has always been a pretty difficult school to fit in at. I went to that school my whole life so, I know that it is a rough school.

We are a poor district and there are a lot of "tough" kids to deal with. The first year we had problems with my son fighting and being disrespectful to the teachers.

Now starting the second year, he has made many strides in aspects of getting along with all the kids. However, I still have the problem that he acts like a defiant child to most of his teachers, aides and the principal.

It's strange because he is a different kid at home. He loves physical work and making money, playing with animals, taking care of babies and he has a genuine love for everyone in our family. When he gets in trouble at school they have tagged him as a "bad egg" or a defiant child .

I don't understand the Jekyl and Hyde aspect of what is going on with him. He is so kind at home and sometimes tries to be disrespectful to me but I reprimand him for it and he apologises.

I don't understand what is going on with my son at school.
He hates doing his work, except art class. He's had the same "girlfriend" both years at this school. I don't know if he is trying to be cool, if he's just got low self-esteem at school, or if he feels like all the adults at school hate him.

He told a teacher aid she was crazy for accusing him of talking when he didn't. He was reprimanded from me for that and the school gave him five days of in-school suspension for that and turning his back on the teacher aide.

I just don't know what to do because the principal says he's going to kick him out for the rest of the year if he ends up in the office anymore. I think the school is being pretty harsh, but I am concerned of why my son is behaving so badly at school.

Can someone please help me?

P.S. In recent years we have had some problems in his first school and it was always his behavior with the teachers. There hasn't been one teacher that has understood my son. Last year, I went and sat in class with him because he wouldn't do his work, and I think he actually liked it. He sat there and did his work the teacher was amazed. Is there something I can do to improve his relationship with the teachers and authorities at the school?

Thank you,

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Feb 11, 2009
My fault?
by: Chrissy

My son has had problems in elementary school. He's almost finished kindergarten and I never took him to pre-school.

Since September, he has been in the principal's office about 5 times. He's been in trouble with the teacher at least 15 times. I have tried many approaches.

Before Christmas, we said Santa would bring him the gift he really wanted if he behaved, and he did so well, but are wondering what to do now.

I've always felt that this was my fault. I'm always the bad cop, my husband, good cop.

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