Hi, as a wife and mom myself, I am very concerned about your situation. Start to demand respect from your sons, and give them punishments...even if they don't listen at first. Always remain calm cool and collected. If you're feeling uncomfortable, yell and say, "No, I will deal with you later!" Try to get dad involved, take care of yourself, gather a support group. If worse comes to worse: boarding school.
Dec 11, 2008 Rating
Stopping Defiant Boys by: Laura Ramirez
Monica,
I think you understand the urgency of your situation. Make no mistake, defiant boys who treat their mother poorly need to be addressed immediately. Do not hesitate because you cannot continue to be in a situation in which you fear for your safety in your own home.
Beyond this, your boys' defiance is a cry for help and if you don't get them the help they need, their problems with anger will snowball. Angry people do not have happy lives, so your children are suffering as well.
It's good that you've realized that your boys' defiant behavior is a reflection of the way your husband used to treat you, so now you can take the steps necessary to prevent them from growing up to be like their father and treating women with cruelty and disrespect.
In the past few months, a number of parents have written me to share their success with a program called The Total Transformation®. It's a program you can use at home (DVDs and a workbook) that will teach you step-by-step what you need to do to get your defiant boys back in control.
The program was developed by a therapist who has helped transform kids with oppositional defiant disorder both in the school system and in his private practice. The program works! All you need to do is follow it. Once you start creating a structure for your boys, they will relax and you will actually be able to communicate with them. I'm not promising you that it's easy, but it certainly is doable.
So get the program and try it out. Beyond this, the only other recommendation I have is therapy and therapy can get quite expensive. Plus if you have defiant boys, you may not be able to get them to go to therapy. This way, you bring the therapy home.
