daydreams

by rita m
(california)

My father sexually abused me when I was fourteen years old, he came back the next day to do it again. I split into another world and lived in a fantasy for twenty eight years. I thought i was the other child in the daydreams, and can only feel if the girl in the daydreams felt. The girl's name in the daydreams is mana. My mother abused me emotionally, verbally and physically, she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.


I am 42 years old now, have gone through two divorces to men who scammed me. I am diagnosed with dissociative disorder not otherwise specified. I hate and hate but cant express accept in my daydreams. I want to write a letter to my father but I am scared to. I need help.

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Jun 05, 2012
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get help!
by: Anonymous

Your father was sexually abusing you and you need to understand that it was "not your fault". Sexual abuse in childhood is damaging and you need to get as much help from someone who has your best interests at heart and will not hurt you or anyone else in the process.
Sadly there are men who are unable to control their sexual behaviour and usually have some psychological deepset problem themselves! This makes it even more difficult for the abused child as, if it is her father there are so many mixed feelings and emotions it is not surprising that the emotional damage will last a lifetime.
Do speak to someone who can help, possibly your doctor or grandparent who might understand you!
My experience in this field is that most people recoil with horror or deny what is happening and so help is almost impossible to obtain.
In other countries there are help telephone lines where children can call and speak to someone who may have themselves been abused. It is time the usa adopted this system.
Just remember to tell yourself that what is happening should not be happening and try to find someone who can discuss the problem quietly and help you resolve it.

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