Could post partum depression cause my daughter to kick me out of her home?

by Debra
(Atlanta, Ga)

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My daughter just delivered her 3rd baby. I (her mother) was asked to be in the delivery room all 3 times (so I was). After the last child was born 3 weeks ago, my husband and I stayed at their home with the other 2 children until my daughter, her husband and the new baby came home from the hospital.

My husband left and I stayed another few days. I stayed very busy doing anything that needed doing: cleaning, taking care of the children, picking up... Everything was fine, even great until the 5th day whereby my daughter became annoyed with me about something and I just tried to keep calm other than telling her not to speak to me so disrespectfully. The next thing I knew she was very coldly telling me to get out of her house, not once but 3 times.

She then sent me a note as if nothing had happened saying they missed me. I sent her an email saying I missed them too and was very sorry for whatever I had done to upset her, however, I could not just pretend she did not throw me out of her house because I could not worry that every time she became angry, she would do the same thing again. Also, that to do that was very disrespectful and I did not feel they would ever do that to her husband's parents. I did though take the blame for everything else and said I was sorry and hoped we could discuss it...

Next, she calls and sweetly says when am I coming down, and having listened to my therapist, I said I would love to come but there was the matter of her throwing me out that needed to be discussed. My daughter said she was sorry that it hurt me that she did that but not sorry that she had thrown me out. She felt like it was the best thing for her and her family at the time.

Our last contact was me emailing her back and saying please tell me what I did, in all sincerity I have no idea. We went from the birth, to home with the older 2, to bringing the new baby in, all right with the world and I suddenly had the rug pulled out from under me.

She is being very cold and patronizing. When she did call and I tried to ask about it she sounded like she had notes in front of her. She just kept repeating, "we miss you and love you but if you are going to talk about this then must hang up" and she did.

I am totally bewildered and need to know desperately if this could be post partum depression. She is not inclined to take anything out on her husband. Please help me with any advise you might have. I am desperate!

Thanks, Debra

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Aug 03, 2010
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Post Partum Depression Behavior
by: Laura Ramirez

Hi Debra,

Could post partum depression behavior be the reason for how your daughter treated you? Could this be why she kicked you out of the house?

Absolutely.

Does it excuse what she did?

Absolutely not.

It sounds like you have been there every step of the way for your daughter (although I would have to talk to you in person to find out more...you may want to consider my parenting coach service for in-depth help.)

You have given your daughter a number of opportunities to own her behavior and apologize, yet she has refused to do so. She wants you to continue to be a part of her life (at least in terms of helping her with her children), yet she is unwilling to make amends for the hurt she caused when you were trying to help. I support you in standing up for yourself and demanding that this issue be resolved.

This is the challenge for every parent: how to bridge the gap in our relationship when our children (grown or not) act in ways that are immature, hurtful, inhumane or irresponsible. We never really stop raising them, do we?


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