Conflict Between Parenting Styles

(South Dakota)

Me and my spouse, each of us entering into our relationship with four children of our own, definitely have a full house. We have a conflict between parenting styles that is starting to cause problems.

My spouse, is a more passive parent, the "softie" as some say. He is the type of father that avoids conflict, no matter what the case or consequence; this is much easier than making the kids mad. His philosophy, "If no one is argumentative, the house is calm." This is not all in all a bad philosophy...

I on the other hand, I am the "stand your ground" parent. I tell my kids no, it makes them mad. They get over it. But I know I have said no for a specific reason. I have had my 14 year old son tell me before bed, "Mom, I don't really like you right now, but I do still love you." My reply to that was, "I love you too honey, and I don't expect you to like me all the time." I have a good relationship with my children (Ages 18, 16, 14, 12) they talk to me, I talk to them...things are good.

The problem is with the conflicting discipline we have in the house...My children are asked to do simple chores, doing the dishes for instance, not told, they are asked. They also know that dishes are a responsibility of theirs...and if responsibilities are not met, just as in adult life, there are consequences..hence, if you don't do your dishes on your night..count any extra curricular activities out for the next day...plain and simple...the rules are clear cut, the consequences are consistent...and I rarely have a problem.

My spouse on the other hand, when his children (Ages 16, 14, 12 and 5) are asked to do the dishes (of course the 5 year old helps by drying cups and this is because he chooses to and they have something better to do, they are allowed to put off the dishes until either later in the evening or even sometimes as far as a day out.

The conflict between the parenting styles is creating severe conflict between my spouse and I and conflict between the children....Mine wonder why his children don't have to do their chores, while his children think I "graduated from the mean mommy school with honors."

I have talked to my spouse, we have tried both giving a little bit, me not being so strict and him being more strict....it works for a while, but goes back to the same thing repeatedly.
Any advise would be greatly appreciated.