Step parenting is a world wide problem by: Anonymous
You can talk to as many female step parents as you can and we all have the same issues. Obviously it is the men with the problems and just shows boys will be boys. There is no easy solution at all.It boils down to your love for your man, commitment and how much patience and love you have.....Each person will handle it all differently and that is the beauty of the world. We are all different but share common ground.
In everything girls, just make sure you take time for you.......Just breathe,chill, relax, go for a walk, read a book and step away from the conflicts. Even if it means leaving your spouse. If they really, really love you then their eyes will finally open up to what is important to them and if it does not then so be it. Might just be a case of good riddance to bad rubbish! Carry On Ladies.
Oct 06, 2011 Rating
Hang In There by: Anonymous
Hi. I was in the same boat but I snapped one day and left my man. It was the wake up call him and his girls needed.
Things have been worked out between all parties concerned and my house now runs smoothly.
His daughters decided they did not like the rules, boundaries and curfews,especially after I caught his 14 year old daughter in my bathroom with a 26er of vodka and cups of juice.
My man was not home at the time so I told his daughter there was no way in the world she would be drinking in my house and I confiscated the bottle. Her Dad got home about 5 minutes later and I filled him in on what happened. He did not do much of anything at all so when his daughter started screaming and yelling at me and calling me every name under the sun I stood my ground. She then decided she was going to move back in with her mother and left.
My man did not talk to me for 2 days as if blaming me for what was happening. I left him and it finally woke him up to what he was refusing to see in regards to raising his kids. I know you have to pick your battles but underage drinking for me is one I will fight tooth and nail.
He called me later the next day and asked if we could sit down and talk as a family. I had been asking him to do that when his daughters moved in but he would not hear of it then. Leaving him for that short of time was the best thing that happened to him and I as a couple and his daughters. Their Dad now lays down the ground rules when they come stay with us on the weekends and life here is a lot smoother.
It works different for every family but I am happy to say this is what worked for me and the man I love as well as his kids.
Oct 06, 2011 Rating
WOW by: Anonymous
These comments sound as if I posted them myself. I have 4 children and my fiance has 3. When we got together he had no rules whatsoever but I do. Things have def improved but there is still a noticeable difference in our parenting especially when it comes to his daughter who happens to be the only girl. I can handle a little spoiling but he is blind to her manipulation, whining and instigating. The other kids, including his boys, are really starting to resent her and so am I. I dont know what the answer to fixing it is but I've been reading a lot of things on blended families and how to make it work. Unfortunately all of them say to talk to your partner, which i do, but that doesnt seem to make a permanent difference. I dont think as a step mom that we can change it unless the father changes it. So I think it comes down to whether or not I can take it for the next 11 years until shes out of the house because I dont think he will change. I do know that all of the boys will gang up on her if it continues and maybe thats what needs to happen for her father to open his eyes to what is happening. If everyone in the house thinks she gets away with murder how can he ignore it? Although it could create the opposite problem where he feels he needs to protect her even more. UGH I dont know........
Aug 18, 2011 Rating
I have the same problems by: Anonymous
I happen to be a lesbian, I have a son and my gf has a son. I am more controlled and she's laid back. I try n raise her son like my own but I'm always hitting major conflict when it comes to discipline or guiding her son . When it comes to my son I make sure we work as a team and he respects her. She does not do the same when I try and teach him and help raise him with boundaries and hygiene. She and him fight me on everything. I'm so frustrated. I'm good enough to support him financially but I can't parent him. He plays off of this and it's causing problems in my life with my girlfriend. What can I do?
Aug 17, 2011 Rating
I hear u. by: Anonymous
I so understand what you are saying.It is so bloody frustrating to watch and feel like an outsider in your own house.I am at the point where I refuse to let his daughter have that kind of power in my home.
I so love her father as he is a wonderful man but like the book says Men are from Mars,women from Venus.
I am going to try counselling in order to save this.I hope it works.
Aug 15, 2011 Rating
Need help myself by: Anonymous
I read the comment and am in the same boat. I keep thinking"Why is it always the woman who is the bad guy and the Dad's are the "cool ones' who let kids get away with everything with not much discipline or consequences.
I have been living with my partner for over 4 years,Recently his teenage daughters moved in with us and I am appalled at what they get away with. He has a huge heart and that is where the problems lie. He does not know the meaning of the word no or if he does say it aT first he always caves in when they start to whine. They are 18 and 15.
I am starting to resent them and him. We have discussed it of course and he will try it my way the odd time but of course slips back and lets them walk all over him. We once had a happy home but now it is not.
I have three kids of my own who were raised with rules, boundaries , consequences and guidelines all dished out with firmness, love and respect and all three blossomed into A/B honour roll students who did not give me one ounces of trouble and have grown up to be polite, well mannered and respectful adults.
I thought it was the man who had the balls but it is actually the women who do. We see the bigger picture down the road while men don't and that is what causes problems with children later on in life when these teens finally realize what life is all about.
I am thinking of leaving him and do not want to but at the moment can not see any other way.
Help!
Feb 15, 2011 Rating
Welcome to my world. by: Anonymous
This exact thing happens in my house. It has gotten to the point that I am ready to move out because I feel it is so unfair to my children. In addition, I am a stickler for respecting authority and doing well in school. My BF on the other hand does not check report cards, always has an excuse for his children's bad behavior, and ignores things like them being suspended from school. I am losing my mind!
