concerned grandma

My son is marrying a lovely young woman, I'll call her Betty. She has been a great influence on my son and I am happy for them. My concern is my granddaughter who lives with them. Betty has taken a very very strong authoritarian approach with this 12 yr.old girl. She is grounded from everything for extended periods when she messes up. My son just steps back or supports Betty.

My grand-daughter is hurting and becoming angry (I do not blame her, though I must walk a fine line here) I have had a very strong role in her upbringing thus far and am very proud of this young girl (good student, involved with school activities, etc). Don't want to be meddlesome, but I really believe they are making a huge mistake with her at such a crucial age. She already never wants to go home.

I am considering buying a step-parenting book for Betty as one of my wedding gifts. I would be sure to inscribe it in a way that doesn't seem critical. Most I have asked say "NO!", that it would be taken as an insult. I just think she needs some advice for this difficult role which will soon be official.

I have talked to my son about it in the past, and he knows Betty is too tough, but he just doesn't see the affect and just gets tougher himself. It is sorta like "us against the kid" feeling to the child. Thoughts?

Concerned Grandmother

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